Try To Remember (4/7)
Dec. 20th, 2013 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparklepox Minseok is the one who makes the first move, surprising both himself and Lu Han. They're not doing anything special, just sitting and talking, a little too close together because Lu Han likes to sit like that, when he can. Lu Han's talking, something rambling about his birthday party the year before (since plans are getting underway for this year's party), and out of the blue Minseok leans forward and kisses him. He doesn't quite get Lu Han's lips, just barely the corner of his mouth, but the intent is pretty clear.
Right after he does it, Minseok's eyes go wide and he quickly gets to his feet, backing away. Lu Han's reaction is slower. He touches the corner of his mouth with two fingers, brow furrowing in confusion.
"I'm sorry," Minseok says nervously. "I shouldn't have done that."
Lu Han blinks, noticing Minseok's panicked reaction for the first time. "It's okay," he says quickly. "You know I don't mind you touching me."
"That wasn't exactly..." Minseok winces, and Lu Han can't help smiling at the expression; he's cute when he's worried.
"It's fine," Lu Han insists. "Really. It's just that no one's ever kissed me before."
"And nobody's supposed to," Minseok points out, still looking worried.
"Especially not a guy," Lu Han adds, continuing right on with his train of thought, and Minseok flinches again. "Have you kissed a guy before?"
Minseok's expression in response to that very eloquently says "What the hell?" "Aren't you supposed to be mad at me?" he asks. "Or disgusted or ready to throw me in the dungeon..."
Lu Han laughs at that, even though Minseok doesn't look like he's joking. "Nobody gets thrown in the dungeon anymore. And I'm not disgusted. I mean, I've never kissed a guy, obviously, but..." He's not really sure how to explain it. It's not something he's thought about before, and yet now that he has, it doesn't feel strange at all. It doesn't feel like the first time he's even considered kissing a man, more like a done deal, like he already knows it's a good thing for him. That's probably weird, but he feels inexplicably comfortable with it.
Minseok still looks nervous after that, but when Lu Han keeps smiling at him, he finally says, slowly, hesitantly, "It's really...okay?
"Well, other people wouldn't like it," Lu Han concedes. "But they wouldn't like that I let you touch me other ways or talk to me informally, or even that we spend time alone together. As long as it's just us, it's okay."
"But..." Minseok still can't seem to accept that answer. "Do you even...?"
Lu Han cocks his head curiously, not sure what he's asking. "What?"
"Like men," Minseok says. His cheeks are a little pink, but he doesn't look away. "Like me."
"I like you!" Lu Han says immediately, but of course he's not talking about it the way Minseok means. Or is he? "I never thought about it, but it's not like I'd let just anyone get so close to me."
"You said yourself you've never really had a companion your age for long," Minseok points out, reasonably enough.
Lu Han frowns, wondering how to explain feelings he doesn't really understand himself. "No. I haven't. But you're..." Different. Special. He can't say why, but it does seem true. "I don't know. But if you tried to kiss me again, I wouldn't say no."
"Can't you do it?" Minseok asks, making a face. "At least that way I can say you started it."
Lu Han laughs, but he gestures for Minseok to sit next to him again, and when he does, Lu Han leans in and kisses him, properly on the mouth this time. He's a little unsure, because he doesn't know the first thing about kissing and it seems like Minseok does, but it feels good when their lips meet, and when Minseok's part against his, he does the same. It doesn't get much farther than that this time, their mouths separating and then meeting again a few times, but when they break apart, Minseok is smiling, and Lu Han matches the expression.
"I should go," Minseok says reluctantly, still very close to Lu Han. "It's almost time for my Mandarin lesson."
"Okay," Lu Han says, leaning in for one more brief kiss. "But we'll continue this another time?" He's still unsure, in a way a prince has no business being, but Minseok's smile widens in response.
"Definitely," Minseok agrees. "I'll see you soon."
Lu Han is excited to meet Minseok for lunch the next day. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about what happened, about Minseok's lips warm against his and his smile when they said goodbye. Until now, he never cared much that he hadn't kissed anyone, but now that it's happened, he very much wants to kiss Minseok again.
He's not so naive as to not realize that it's a complicated situation, that kissing Minseok isn't something he should be doing, and not just because no one is supposed to touch the prince. But they've been getting away with so much, being alone together and laughing and speaking informally and touching in a platonic sort of way, that maybe he's come to take it for granted a little, to assume that no one will bother them if they don't step too obviously out of line.
He can tell, when Minseok shows up, that he's thinking about it too. He can't quite look at Lu Han and sometimes his cheeks get a little flushed or he stumbles over his words. Nobody seems to notice, or if they do they're too well-trained to show it, but Lu Han hopes they can't guess the reason behind his behavior. He's relieved when they finish eating and he and Minseok can have some time alone, as usual.
Once they're alone, Minseok flops dramatically onto the bed. "Did I sound as awkward as I felt out there?" he asks, covering his face with his hands. Then, as often happens, he catches himself and sits up, looking over at Lu Han to make sure his behavior isn't going too far.
Lu Han, for his part, laughs as he sits on the bed near Minseok's feet. "You were kind of awkward," he confirms. "It was cute."
Minseok, satisfied that he hasn't offended Lu Han, covers his face with his hands again. "This is a terrible idea. I'm so bad at this. Everyone's going to know the second they look at me and I'm going to be in so much trouble."
"Relax," Lu Han says, putting a hand on Minseok's leg since it's what he can reach. "No one will know because they have no reason to think there's anything going on between their innocent little prince and his friend."
"Innocent," Minseok scoffs. "But I guess you kind of are, if you just got your first kiss at sixteen."
"Shut up," Lu Han grumbles, giving Minseok's thigh a pinch in retaliation. "You try and date while spending all your time locked up in the palace."
"I don't mind," Minseok says, sitting up and scooting closer to Lu Han. His voice drops lower in both volume and pitch and Lu Han really likes the sound of it. "It's nice, knowing that I'm your first in everything." Then he promptly ruins the effect by making his Shit, did I go too far? face and saying "Um, I mean, we don't...uh, that is..."
Lu Han laughs at him again. "You're cute when you're freaking out," he says, and shows how much he's not offended by leaning in for a kiss. Then he murmurs, "It sounds nice, you being my first," just to see the way Minseok's cheeks flush darker up close. He's not sure how much he means it when he only had his first kiss yesterday, but he doesn't mind the idea.
For now, he leans in again to kiss Minseok in earnest. He still doesn't know what he's doing, but once he makes it clear what he wants, Minseok takes over, bring a hand up to cup Lu Han's neck as he deepens the kiss. There are tongues involved now and it doesn't seem like it should feel this good, but it does. Lu Han fists his hands in the sides of Minseok's shirt and lets himself get lost in the kiss.
He doesn't know how long they've been kissing when suddenly there's a knock on the door. They break apart, Minseok moving away so fast he almost falls off the bed and Lu Han has to grab his arm. He drops it as soon as Minseok is stable and moves a respectable distance away. "What is it?" he asks, hoping there's nothing in his voice to give him away.
"The emperor's lunch appointment finished early so he requested that we fetch you now for the meeting regarding your birthday celebration," says one of the stewards.
Lu Han's relieved to know that it's nothing bad, but also annoyed because this means he has to stop kissing Minseok, and a little worried that it'll be completely obvious what he's been doing in here. "I'll be out in a moment," he calls back, then turns to Minseok, who looks a little panicked even though they haven't been caught. "Do I look okay?" he asks quietly, patting his hair.
Minseok reaches out with both hands and smoothes Lu Han's hair out. "You're fine," he says. "Just..." He makes a gesture of wiping his lips, and Lu Han does it, though he doesn't think it'll make much difference.
"Fix your shirt," he tells Minseok, who hurries to tuck it neatly back in. "Okay." Then, reluctantly, "Tomorrow?" Minseok nods, and Lu Han gets to his feet, heading out the door and off to meet his father.
The emperor looks displeased when Lu Han arrives, but the emperor often looks displeased, especially after an audience, so that doesn't mean he's angry with Lu Han. "Have a seat," he says, and Lu Han does as he's told.
It's difficult to focus as another steward outlines the plan so far to celebrate Lu Han's birthday when he'd much rather think about what he was doing before he was summoned here. He can still feel Minseok's lips on his, and he presses them together, remembering. Luckily, everyone is used to him occasionally spacing out, so no one is surprised when he completely fails to notice the steward asking him a question.
"Prince," says the emperor, just a tiny bit sharp, and Lu Han snaps to attention.
"I'm sorry," he says immediately. "You had a question?"
The question is about Minseok's birthday, which Lu Han knows is less than a month before his. "We don't wish to eclipse your celebration in any way," the steward says in his usual extremely formal way, "but it would likely make a positive impression if we acknowledge his birthday along with yours in some way. Would that be acceptable to you?"
"I don't mind," Lu Han says. In reality, he not only doesn't mind but is excited at the prospect of sharing his party with Minseok, but it wouldn't be seemly to say that.
"I've been told that you and our Korean visitor have been getting along well," says the emperor. Lu Han searches for some hint of reproach in his tone, but he seems to mean it.
"Yes, we have," Lu Han tells him. "I'm grateful that you brought him here." Then, even though he probably shouldn't, he continues, "May I ask how long you intend for him to stay?"
The emperor gives him an inscrutable look, the kind Lu Han has been trying and failing to perfect for years. "That hasn't been decided yet," he answers. "For now, we are enjoying his company as well."
There's nothing at all in his words to imply a threat, but it makes Lu Han a little nervous all the same. If there's no set date for Minseok leaving, he could be here for years, but he could just as easily be gone next week. At least it sounds like he should be around until Lu Han's birthday, which is still a full three months away. He can worry about what comes next later.
"How are the plans for your birthday coming?" Minseok asks over lunch the next day. "They're starting so early that I'm sure it'll be amazing."
"It always is," Lu Han says, which isn't a lie, just leaving out the part where he doesn't actually enjoy his amazing birthday parties very much. He's usually too busy playing nice with important guests and making sure to look like he's having fun in a classy and well-behaved manner to have any real fun.
Minseok looks like he suspects that Lu Han isn't saying everything on his mind, but he knows better than to ask. "I'll look forward to it, then."
"It sounds like we'll be celebrating your birthday too," Lu Han tells him, since it seems Minseok hasn't heard yet, "so you'll have all the more reason to look forward to it."
"Really?" Minseok looks surprised, but happy too.
"So I've been told," Lu Han says mysteriously.
If they were alone, Minseok would probably whine and hit him, but as it is he just gives him a slightly pouty look that Lu Han thinks is adorable and says, "I see. Then I'll look forward to that as well."
Later, when they're alone, Minseok does indeed whine at him. "What was that about celebrating my birthday? Is that what you talked about yesterday?"
"It's not really that big a deal," Lu Han admits, "at least not yet. We just talked about how it would be good to include your birthday in the celebration, and the steward in charge of the party said he would present some plans later. I don't have any idea yet what's going to happen."
"Would you tell me if you did know?" Minseok asks dryly.
"Maybe," Lu Han says, grinning. "Don't you like surprises?" But it's Lu Han who gets a surprise when Minseok answers him with a kiss. "What was that for?" he asks (not that he sees much reason to complain).
"No reason," Minseok says. "I'd just rather do that than talk about vague plans for a party three months away."
"Me too," Lu Han agrees, and kisses him. This is already starting to feel familiar, though no less thrilling, Minseok's hands finding their way into his hair while Lu Han's arms wrap around him to pull him closer. He's warm and solid, his mouth hot against Lu Han's, and Lu Han hopes no one interrupts them because he could do this for a long time, if given the chance.
And they do, Minseok occasionally pulling back to press a kiss to Lu Han's cheek or jaw but mostly staying at his mouth, tongue sending shivers of pleasure through Lu Han's body. By the time they pause for breath, Minseok is practically in Lu Han's lap, straddling one of his thighs, and if Lu Han were a little more sure of himself, he'd pull Minseok in the rest of the way to press against him. As it is, he settles for feeling Minseok close, his breath warm on Lu Han's cheek.
"I just want to keep kissing you," Minseok murmurs, voice low and the tiniest bit rough, lips just brushing Lu Han's skin, and the shiver that runs through Lu Han is more obvious this time.
"Don't stop," he answers, surprised at how his own voice sounds, rough and needy.
So they don't stop until a bell chimes the hour and Minseok pulls away with great reluctance. Lu Han clings to him, but he pulls back more insistently until Lu Han finally lets go. "I have lessons to get to," Minseok says, sounding like he's trying to convince himself more than Lu Han. "And so do you."
"Yeah." Lu Han feels dazed and aroused and in absolutely no mood to study Chinese history, but he doesn't think his tutor or his parents will accept 'I was busy kissing my friend' as an excuse for missing lessons.
"We can do this again tomorrow," Minseok says, slowly getting off the bed and straightening out his clothes and hair. "You don't have to wait long." He bends down for one more kiss before stepping back. "I'll see you at dinner."
It's remarkably difficult to sit through dinner with Minseok, the emperor and empress and some miscellaneous dignitaries and focus on the conversation and not how nice Minseok looks all dressed up. At least Lu Han's not expected to speak much, but he has to look like he's listening and pay at least enough attention to be able to respond if someone does ask him a question, and it's so hard to care about trade agreements with Minseok sitting right across from him.
But he manages somehow, and lunchtime comes soon enough the next day. Lu Han thinks he exhibits great restraint by not playing footsie with Minseok under the table, but as soon as they're safely in Lu Han's bedroom, he pounces him. It's clear that Minseok has been waiting impatiently too, with how quickly and eagerly he kisses back.
It's like that for a few days, the two of them playing nice as long as they have an audience and then kissing desperately the second they don't. Things progress, little by little, to lying down on the bed and pressing up against each other and eventually to Lu Han's hands finding their way under Minseok's shirt to slide up his bare back. It's slow, because Lu Han's not too sure of himself and Minseok is still hesitant to make the first move with anything new (and while Minseok may be more experienced than Lu Han, it doesn't seem like it's by much), but Lu Han doesn't mind. They have time.
On the other hand, he is a teenage boy with active teenage boy hormones, and he can only take so much of Minseok pressed against him as they kiss before he lets out a groan, muffled against Minseok's mouth. Minseok pulls away enough to whisper, "Shh," but when he meets Lu Han's eyes, whatever he sees makes his breath catch. "Do you..." he starts, very quietly. One of his hands is resting on Lu Han's side, over his shirt, and Lu Han suddenly very much wants to feel it against his skin.
Lu Han glances at the clock; they still have half an hour before Minseok has to go. "Yes," he says, though he's not entirely sure what he's agreeing to yet, and sits up and takes his shirt off. Minseok watches him, eyes wide, until Lu Han impatiently gestures for him to take his shirt off too.
Part of him just wants to stare, once Minseok has his shirt off, but more than that he wants to touch, so he does. Minseok's not as thin as Lu Han, but he has muscles that feel good under Lu Han's hands as they skate over his skin, and then he bends down to kiss Lu Han's neck, his collarbones, and Lu Han finds himself gasping for air. "Shh," Minseok murmurs again. "We have to be quiet." With his lips on Lu Han's shoulder, he might as well be saying something dirty, the way it makes Lu Han shiver with desire.
Minseok's still a little afraid to touch him, so Lu Han has to take his hand and put it where he wants it. They both gasp, Minseok probably because he's touching the crown prince very inappropriately, and Lu Han because he's really turned on and even just Minseok's hand on top of his pants feels good. He's not sure if it's too much, but then he catches Minseok's eye and sees that he wants this just as much. "Please," he says, and Minseok wets his lips nervously before nodding.
It's hard to stay quiet, but even if they're alone, there are sure to be servants nearby, so Lu Han presses a hand over his mouth as Minseok opens his pants to touch him for real. His body jerks at the first touch and Minseok seems startled, but one look at Lu Han reassures him that it's okay. After that, he doesn't hesitate, stroking Lu Han until he's writhing around on the bed, barely managing to muffle the sounds that escape him. It feels so good he wants it to last a long time, but it's too much and all too soon, he comes hard over Minseok's hand.
He uncovers his mouth and gasps for breath as he comes down, and it takes him a little while to notice Minseok watching him as he wipes his hand clean. "What?" he asks, suddenly embarrassed. Very few people have seen him in this state of undress, and no one's ever seen him come until today, and even if he feels comfortable with Minseok, it's a lot.
"Nothing," Minseok says, a small smile on his face as he bends down to kiss Lu Han.
Once Lu Han can breathe properly again, he sits up and kisses Minseok, and after a few seconds of that he feels brave enough to put his own hand between Minseok's legs. Minseok lets out a small moan against his lips, and so Lu Han presses forward, opening his pants and pushing them out of the way so he can get a hand around him. Minseok chokes on air at the touch, and though they haven't talked about it, Lu Han suspects no one's ever done this to him either.
He's torn between wanting to watch Minseok and wanting to keep kissing him, and he settles on the second, drinking down his little gasps and moans until Minseok's jaw goes slack and he presses his mouth into Lu Han's neck to muffle the louder sounds that he can't hold back. It's hot, and Lu Han moves his hand faster, wanting to hear more. It's obvious Minseok's holding back, but he does get a little louder, until finally he jerks against Lu Han as he comes.
Lu Han kisses him again after, breathless and sloppy but still so good. "I'm waiting for someone to throw open the door and flip out on me," Minseok murmurs with a small burst of slightly-hysterical laughter. "I can't believe we did that."
Lu Han's a little shocked too, but he can't say he regrets it at all, or that he doesn't want to do it again. "Are you complaining?" he asks.
"No," Minseok says quickly. "But...you're the crown prince."
"Yeah, and you're..." My boyfriend, he almost wants to say, but it's too soon for that. "It doesn't matter," he finishes instead. "I wanted this."
"I don't think the emperor and empress would accept that excuse," Minseok says dryly, the tinge of panic just barely lingering in his voice.
"I hope that doesn't mean you don't want to do it again." Lu Han says it teasingly, but he does want to know; it seems like Minseok enjoyed it too, but this is all very new to him and he doesn't want to assume too much.
Minseok leans back enough to look at him. His cheeks are flushed, though whether that's still from arousal or from embarrassment now, Lu Han can't say. "I do if you do," he says, shy but certain. "We just have to be careful. I guarantee you that if we get caught, I'll be on the next flight home, no matter how bad it'll look."
"I know," Lu Han assures him. "I'll be very careful."
It's not easy, because Lu Han only finds himself wanting Minseok more now, and because it's really hard to stay quiet as they get more familiar with each other's bodies and find new ways to turn each other on. They never go all the way, because that would be too hard to hide, but they experiment with kisses and touches that light Lu Han's nerves on fire and make Minseok shake under hands and bite back the most amazing moans. For Lu Han, who is so used to no one touching him at all, it's thrilling and wonderful and he can't get enough of it.
It's not easy at all, but they manage somehow as the weeks creep by and the weather slowly warms up. Lu Han doesn't know how they're managing to fool everyone when he feels like it's written all over his face how much he wants Minseok, but if anyone suspects, they're keeping quiet about it, both to Lu Han and to the emperor and empress. As long as they don't find out, it'll be okay.
The other thing that happens as time passes is that Lu Han comes to realize that this isn't just about wanting Minseok. He does, very much, and he likes him as a friend, but it's more. He felt it from the beginning, that Minseok was special, and he feels it more and more with each passing day. He doesn't know what love is, but he definitely likes Minseok a lot, in a way he's never liked anyone before.
He's afraid to ask if Minseok feels the same, afraid that it'll turn out that it's too much, too fast. But Minseok never refuses him or gives any indication that he wants to, so that has to count for something. Hopefully one day Lu Han will be brave enough to share what he's feeling and find out Minseok's response, but for now, he's content with the way things are.
Eventually, Minseok's birthday rolls around, and though the plans to include him in Lu Han's party have solidified, they still hold a small celebration for him on the day. As a surprise (officially a present from Lu Han), his parents and younger sister come to visit, and Lu Han is surprised to see Minseok briefly tear up before he gets himself under control.
He teases Minseok about it the next time they're alone, a few days later after Minseok's family has gone home, but secretly he thinks it's cute, and maybe he's jealous, a little, that Minseok has a closer relationship to his parents than Lu Han can ever have. "Do you miss them?" he asks, even though he's not sure he wants to hear the answer.
Minseok looks at him as he most likely debates playing tough versus telling the truth, and finally he says, "Yeah. Before I came here, I was kind of doing the teenager thing, you know, just wanting my parents to leave me alone, but being away for so long makes me realize they're not so bad."
His words tug at Lu Han's heart in a way he doesn't think he likes. "Do you..." he asks slowly, hesitantly, not sure he wants to say it. "Do you want to go home?"
Minseok looks at him in surprise, and then his expression turns thoughtful. "I do miss them," he says. "A lot, some days. But I'd miss you if I went back to Korea now. A lot, probably. So I'm not ready to leave yet."
Those words tug at Lu Han's heart too, but in an entirely different way. "Yeah?" He asks, half expecting Minseok to laugh and take it back.
"Yeah." Minseok does look amused, but in a fond, indulgent sort of way. "Unless you're trying to get rid of me..."
"No!" Lu Han says, too loud and too quickly, and now Minseok does laugh.
"Relax. I'm not going anywhere unless someone makes me." Then he kisses Lu Han, and while it's not quite the confession Lu Han's been imagining, he thinks that this is enough to erase any doubts that Minseok feels something for him too.
It's only a few weeks from Minseok's birthday to Lu Han's, and the time flies by. Lu Han is busy, because even if it is his birthday, he has to be prepared to recognize and greet all the honored guests, and to give a dignified speech that makes him sound grown up and respectable but humble and lovable at the same time. (It's a good thing he has speechwriters or he'd just end up saying something like, "Thank you very much! Bye!") It's not really about celebrating his birthday; it's about showing the world what a wonderful prince China has.
Minseok is excited, even though Lu Han keeps telling him not to be. "Haven't you had enough of fancy parties like this?" he asks.
"I don't go, usually," Minseok says. "And I don't really care, but it'll be fun, for a change. And it's not every day such a fancy party is even a little bit for me. Plus the company will be good." He winks at Lu Han, and doesn't seem to mind when that gets a laugh.
The night before, the emperor and empress have a private dinner with a few of their special visitors, so Lu Han has to (or in his mind is allowed to) have dinner alone with Minseok. They're not really alone, of course, but things are much more relaxed than the usual family dinners. Lu Han's probably not as careful as he should be in front of his attendants anymore, but they must all be used to it by now.
Lu Han is normally supposed to do some studying after dinner (which sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't), but even though he and Minseok had some time to themselves after lunch, he still drags Minseok into his room when they finish eating. It's almost his birthday, he reasons; he's allowed to have a little something special.
Minseok doesn't object, happy to loop his arms around Lu Han's neck and kiss him senseless. There's no particular time limit on them now like there is in the afternoons, but Lu Han still hurries to get Minseok out of his shirt so he can press his lips to the exposed skin of his neck, his collarbones, his stomach. When he gets dangerously low on Minseok's stomach, a hand on his cheek makes him look up. "What?"
Minseok sits up again, biting his lip like he's nervous. "I, um, got you a present," he says. "I was going to wait until it's actually your birthday, but now seems like a good time." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of small packets, dropping them on the bed in front of Lu Han.
"What...?" Lu Han asks, bending down to take a closer look, and then heat rises in his cheeks when he realizes what he's looking at. He looks up at Minseok, who is also flushed and studying his knees.
"If you don't want to, we don't have to, but I thought maybe..." He looks so shy, which he hasn't with Lu Han in a long time. Lu Han swallows down the rush of feelings it triggers in him, both Minseok's expression and his offer, and focuses instead on the desperate want it also causes.
"Are you sure?" he asks, really hoping Minseok won't say no.
"You think I'd go to all the trouble of getting this stuff if I wasn't?" Minseok says, apparently recovered from his self-consciousness enough to be sarcastic again. Lu Han can't say he really minds.
"Good."
They lose their clothes quickly, in spite of not wanting to stop kissing or touching each other, and it would be easy to keep going like this, the way they have for a while now. It's comfortable, familiar, easy. But then Minseok puts his hands on Lu Han's chest to hold him back and asks, already breathless, "Don't you want your present?"
They're so close, Minseok's face with dark eyes and swollen lips filling his field of vision, and oh, yes, he wants this. He leans in for one more kiss, soft, and then pulls back and picks up one of the packets.
It's a little awkward, fumbling, both of them too eager and neither really sure what they're doing, but when Lu Han pushes into Minseok, watching his face contort with pain and pleasure all mixed together, it's better than anything he's ever felt before. A little later, when he gets a good rhythm going and Minseok moans out a needy, "Touch me," and gasps when Lu Han does, that's even better.
It's hard to stay quiet and Lu Han's too far gone to even tell if they are, but also too far gone to care. He just barely manages to hold on until Minseok jerks beneath him and then he's coming too, chasing the pleasure with a last few feeble thrusts before he goes still.
"Damn." Minseok's voice is barely above a whisper, but he smiles as he pushes his sweaty hair off his face and looks up at Lu Han.
Lu Han laughs, feeling embarrassingly happy as he collapses on the bed next to Minseok. "I can already tell you this is going to be the best birthday present I get this year."
"I am pretty great, huh?" Minseok says, then laughs and rolls over to hide his face against Lu Han's shoulder.
"You are," Lu Han agrees, only half joking. It's on the tip of his tongue, the words he's been thinking about saying for so long. He could say it, and he thinks, though there's still no way to know for sure unless he tries, that Minseok would say it back. If they stay like this long enough, Minseok curled up warm against his side, he just might work up the courage to find out.
But that doesn't happen because suddenly there's a knock on the door. As worn out as they were a second ago, they instantly spring apart. Minseok's eyes are wide with panic, and Lu Han's sure he looks the same as he scrambles for his clothes. There's another knock, more insistent, and Minseok hisses, "Say something."
"Yes?" His voice sounds rough to his ears, but hopefully it's not enough for anyone to notice.
"Please come outside immediately." Lu Han recognizes that voice, and his heart sinks. It's one of his father's advisors, a shrewd and unforgiving man. If he heard anything, if he's realized what was going on, he won't be willing to let it go the way the servants almost certainly are by now.
"One moment, please," Lu Han says politely, even though he doesn't need to be polite to an advisor. Minseok is frantically buttoning up his shirt, but he still looks a mess, his hair sticking up in all directions. Lu Han's probably not much better off, and the bed is all rumpled and there's still an unused condom buried in the sheets somewhere. His heart is pounding and it's hard to breathe.
They finish dressing and smooth down their hair, and Lu Han is just trying to straighten out the bed when the advisor says, "Now, please, prince. I'm going to open the door."
Lu Han looks up and meets Minseok's eyes, seeing the same fear reflected in them. "I'm sorry," he whispers, and Minseok shakes his head, and that's all they manage before the door opens.
One look at the advisor's frowning face and Lu Han knows. He knows that they've been caught and he knows that this is it. "Let's talk outside," he says, and somehow he manages to find his cool, collected prince voice even though he's anything but calm right now.
"It's not me you need to explain yourself too," the advisor tells him. "I'm going to take you to see the emperor and empress."
Minseok's breath catches, but Lu Han manages to keep his cool front. "Very well."
They walk in silence, Minseok staying a step or two behind Lu Han. It feels like everyone they pass is staring at them, which is probably true, and like they all know what's going on, which may or may not be. He hopes it's not; the smaller the potential scandal, the less angry the emperor and empress will be with him. If it's only Lu Han's personal attendants and this advisor who know, they'll only be furious instead of livid.
Finally, they arrive at the emperor and empress' chambers. That's a relief, at least. If they were still with guests, they wouldn't be happy about being interrupted. "Come in," says the emperor.
"Wait here," says the advisor (and Lu Han doesn't have to listen to him, but what else can he do?) "I'll explain." He goes inside, closing the door behind him.
Minseok is still hanging back, and Lu Han turns around to look at him. He's managed to get his expression under control, but he's extremely tense, shoulders hunched. "I—" Lu Han starts, but he breaks off when Minseok shakes his head. He doesn't know what he'd say anyway.
"It was always going to happen someday," Minseok says, very quietly, his voice flat. "We were never going to have a happy ending."
He's right, of course. One day, probably not so far away, Lu Han will be expected to marry someone who will look good beside him and produce an heir to the throne, and Minseok was always going to go back to Korea sooner or later because this isn't his home. It was stupid to worry about if Minseok shared his feelings when that ultimately doesn't make a difference.
"I just—" Lu Han tries again, but he breaks off when there's a sound on the other side of the door, and then it opens.
"Come inside," says the emperor, and Lu Han reluctantly obeys, Minseok trailing behind him.
The emperor and empress are sitting on the couch, but they don't look relaxed at all. The emperor is wearing that expression Lu Han knows well, where he's very angry but trying to hide it, and the empress looks almost disturbed. It's hard to look at them, but Lu Han's well trained enough to stand up straight and not flinch.
"Explain yourself," the emperor says sharply.
"I understand it's already been explained to you." Lu Han darts a glance over at the advisor, who's standing beside the couch.
"I want you to explain to me why you thought this was acceptable behavior for a prince."
"I have no excuse," he says. There's no point in trying to justify it. He knows how this will end.
"And you?" the emperor presses, turning on Minseok. "We offered you our hospitality and this is how you repay us?" Lu Han bristles, but he forces himself to stay quiet because defending Minseok will only make it worse.
"I'm very sorry." Minseok doesn't make excuses either. "Please don't allow this to color your opinion of my country."
The emperor makes a dismissive sound. The gloves have come off now; he's rarely rude to guests. "You're only a boy. Perhaps it was a mistake to bring you so far from home." Out of the corner of his eye, Lu Han sees Minseok stand up straighter, but he doesn't say anything. "I think it's time you went home," the emperor continues, and now Lu Han can't help but flinch, even though he knew it was coming.
"But the party is tomorrow," the empress points out.
"Oh, yes." The emperor frowns. "You may stay for the party," he tells Minseok. "Be prepared to leave the following day, as soon as the other guests are gone."
"Understood," Minseok says, his voice small but even.
"Now leave us," the emperor says, and Minseok immediately obeys. "You too," he tells the advisor, who follows Minseok out, leaving Lu Han alone with the emperor and empress.
"I'm sorry," Lu Han says when the door closes. He's been doing well, but now his voice wavers.
The empress' brow furrows and some of the angry tension leaves the emperor's face, because even if they're always the emperor and empress to him, they are his parents. "You're a prince," the empress says. "The world is watching you. You can't forget that." Her words are harsh, but there's a gentle hint to her tone, almost apologetic.
"Your party is tomorrow," the emperor tells him, as if Lu Han could forget. "Rest and prepare yourself. You're my son and I trust that you can stand tall and present yourself well."
Lu Han doesn't know if it's a compliment or a rebuke, but it doesn't matter. It's what he has to do, so he'll do it. He bows and takes his leave, returning to his rooms alone, and that's how he greets his birthday at midnight, alone and miserable in his room in a bed that still smells of Minseok.
The party isn't until late afternoon, but Lu Han is woken up early to prepare. "Happy birthday," says his tutor when he meets Lu Han to review the important guests and his speeches. His smile is the same as always, but there's a flash of guarded sympathy after it that tells Lu Han he knows what happened last night, or at least enough of it. He's afraid to find out how far word has spread already. He just hopes none of the guests find out or the party will be unbearably awkward.
He sleepwalks his way through the morning, glad for a change to have people to tell him where to go and what to wear and who to talk to. It'll be bad later, when he has to let himself think, and when Minseok will be there, but for now he can pretend that nothing has changed since this time yesterday. He wasn't looking forward to his birthday party then either, but he did have a lot more to look forward to in general.
The morning passes too quickly, and soon Lu Han is well dressed and as ready as he'll ever be for the party. The guests are already assembled, so it's time for the guest of honor to make his grand entrance. He takes a deep breath, pastes on his best charming, princely smile and steps through the door. Cheers and camera flashes greet him, and he smiles through them the way he always does.
It's okay until he turns to greet the emperor and empress. They're sitting together with a few other particularly-important guests, and near them, as the guest of slightly-less-honor, is Minseok. Most people probably can't tell, but Lu Han is close enough to see the circles under his eyes that haven't quite been covered up. Still, while he may not be a prince, he's learned to fake a smile, and it doesn't falter as he stands and bows in polite greeting to Lu Han.
Thankfully, Lu Han has been preparing for this for so long that he can give his welcome speech in his sleep before taking his seat beside the emperor. Then the emperor and empress each say a few words that he only pretends to listen to, followed be a long parade of people giving Lu Han gifts he by and large doesn't actually want but has to look excited about.
At last the flow of people stops and Lu Han thinks it's over, but then he looks over to see Minseok getting to his feet. Oh no, he thinks, and braces himself.
"I'm afraid my present may not measure up to some of the wonderful gifts you've received," Minseok says in slow but well-pronounced Mandarin, "but I hope it's something you'll enjoy." A servant brings forward a box, though it won't be opened until later, and most likely not by Lu Han. "I know how much you enjoy your Korean studies, so this I'd like to present you with these Korean books to practice with. They include some non-fiction about Korean history and culture, as well as some novels that I personally enjoy and hope you will too."
He bows again, and Lu Han bobs his head and thanks him for his thoughtful gift. He's glad that his voice comes out smooth and his smile doesn't falter, even though he forces himself to look at Minseok when he speaks so no one can read anything into them not meeting each other's eyes. He's even gladder when Minseok sits back down and he doesn't have to look at him anymore, but it won't last.
Sure enough, the emperor announces that Minseok has also turned seventeen recently, and they'd like to present him with a few gifts as well. The gift from the emperor and empress is some traditional clothing that Minseok will now never have a chance to wear, but he graciously accepts it. Then it's Lu Han's turn. He already gave Minseok a present on his real birthday, a photo album with lots of embarrassing pictures of Minseok around the palace and some nicer ones of both of them, but this is for show.
"It seems we had similar thoughts," Lu Han says with a forced laugh, "since I also got you a present to help with your language studies." For Minseok, it's movies, some educational and some designed to make him laugh. "I hope you will enjoy watching them, and think of me when you do." It's not exactly what he's supposed to say, but close enough that no one's likely to notice. Minseok thanks him, and when he smiles at Lu Han, there's something in it that's a little more real, if a little sadder too.
Then the worst is over, and it's time for Lu Han to mingle. He's always hated this part, but he's used to it by now, and his tutor has prepared him well to speak to everyone important enough to get more than a hello from him. At least it gives him something to focus on besides Minseok also walking around and greeting people.
It's going well until he runs into a familiar face, an old man from Nanjing who is entitled to come to all the special events by virtue of some connection to the previous emperor, Lu Han's grandfather. He's not a bad guy, generally, but Lu Han bristles when he says, "I wasn't sure about that Korean kid at first, but it seems like he's doing well here."
"He's no more a kid than I am," Lu Han tells him in the tone he reserves for people being overly familiar with him.
"Of course not, prince," the man says, somehow managing to make his polite words sound condescending. "I only meant that I admire the progress he's made in learning our language and culture."
Lu Han follows his gaze over to where Minseok is talking to a middle-aged couple, and he's been holding on, but the sight of Minseok laughing at something the woman says is like a stab to his gut. He can't help thinking that he won't have another chance to make Minseok laugh like that, or even to see him laugh from a distance. Tomorrow, Minseok will be gone and there will be no one left in the palace to laugh with him at all.
"Prince?" the old man asks, almost gentle, and Lu Han starts.
"My apologies," Lu Han says politely. "Yes, you're right. Our Korean guest has done very well here."
He makes it through the rest of his mingling without looking at Minseok, but now that the thought has settled in the back of his mind, he can't push it away again. Tomorrow, Minseok will be gone, and there's no telling if they'll ever see each other again. He's not going so far away, but he'll never be allowed to visit after what happened.
Finally, the end of the party draws near. Lu Han has another speech to give, and he does it on autopilot, the words coming out with the ease of long practice.
Then it's Minseok's turn to give a shorter speech, and Lu Han braces himself as he steps forward. "I'm very thankful to all of you for humoring my inclusion in this party even though today isn't really my birthday," he says lightly, "and to the prince for sharing his special day with me. I've very much enjoyed my time spent with everyone here."
He glances back at Lu Han, just for a moment, and then continues, "I didn't know what to expect when I came to China, and to be honest, I was a little afraid of how I'd get by here. But I have felt very welcomed and very lucky to have had the opportunity to come here." He pauses, taking a steadying breath. "I don't wish to detract from the prince's celebration, but I'm afraid I must announce that I'll be returning to Korea soon. I've had a wonderful time here, but there is still a lot for me to learn in my own country, and I've been away from my family for a long time. I'm very grateful for the hospitality I've enjoyed here, and everything I've been able to learn and experience."
He turns and bows to the empress, the emperor, and finally Lu Han. Their eyes meet, and there are a million things in his expression that Lu Han wishes they'd have the chance to say out loud, but then Minseok is turning back to the crowd and thanking them before returning to his seat.
The emperor and empress say a few more words of thanks, and then make their exit along with Lu Han, and that's the end. Lu Han gives his own private thanks to the emperor and empress and then follows a few attendants toward his rooms, looking forward to being able to change his clothes and rest after a draining couple of hours. Thinking about that, he almost doesn't notice someone stop to let him pass in the hallway, only looking up just in time to see that it's Minseok, escorted by Lu Han's tutor of all people.
Lu Han freezes. He knows he should keep walking, pretend nothing is out of the ordinary, but he can't. "Prince, you should go, rest," his tutor says. But then he does something strange and steps in front of Lu Han, blocking him from the attendants, who are waiting for him just ahead. Minseok realizes it at the same time, and he takes a step closer.
It's only a moment, a single moment before they'll most likely never see each other again, but it's one more moment than Lu Han thought they would have. He grabs Minseok's hand and squeezes it tightly. "Thank you," Minseok whispers. "For everything. I'm sorry I can't stay."
They're lingering too long, so Lu Han takes a step away and says, out loud and in Mandarin instead of the Korean Minseok used, "No, thank you. It was our pleasure to have you as a guest here." It's too formal to be what he really means, but he thinks Minseok will understand. Sure enough, he gives a smile and a tiny nod before bowing in thanks. Lu Han waits until he stands up so he can smile back, then walks away.
It's not enough. It's not a goodbye and it's not a reprieve from Minseok being taken away from him, but it's a little bit more closure than he thought he'd get, and it'll have to do. It's the best he's got.
It's fifteen years before they meet again, when Lu Han takes a trip to Korea. It's not the first he's made there, given his well-publicized interest in the country, but it's the first time when, after he makes his greetings to the royal family and is escorted to the guest rooms, he's told there's one more person who'd like to greet him.
He expects some uninteresting noble or another visiting dignitary. He doesn't expect a changed yet still familiar face to come through the door, smiling hesitantly before giving a deep bow. "Greetings, prince," he says, in Mandarin that has held up to the years a lot better than Lu Han would expect. "It's been a long time since we spoke."
It has been, because the emperor and empress made it clear that he should not be in contact with Minseok, and even if he's an adult now, their word is still law for him. Besides, it would only hurt, and now that Lu Han is married with a child on the way, it would be strange to contact the man he loved when he was younger.
"It's good to see you again," Lu Han says in informal Korean, and a laugh bursts out of Minseok before he can stop himself.
"Not in the palace," he hisses, but Lu Han laughs too, and any awkwardness melts away in an instant.
"Sorry for the surprise visit," Minseok says, in Korean now but still polite. "A certain someone who wants to remain nameless asked if I wanted to come meet you and I couldn't say no."
"Did you want to?"
"Of course not." It is really good to see Minseok again, Lu Han thinks at the sight of that smile he hasn't seen in so long but has never forgotten. "I can't stay or it'll look bad, but I wanted to say hi, at least. See you in person instead of on TV for a change."
Lu Han nods. He wants to argue, but he's grown up enough now to understand that there are some things he can't fight. "How have you been?"
"Good. Really good. And you? I hear you're going to be a father soon." It should be awkward, maybe, but there's fifteen years between them and the pain of separation and it's okay now.
"Yeah." Lu Han grins, because he wasn't so sure about getting married, but having a child is something he's excited about. "What about you? I don't get to hear about your life on the news."
Minseok smiles, a little shyly. "No kids for me, but, uh, there is someone. He's a really great guy."
Lu Han raises an eyebrow at that. "Weren't you supposed to keep the family line going?"
"Well," Minseok says, "my little sister's already got two children, so I'm off the hook. My parents still weren't thrilled, but...well, they knew why I left China so suddenly, so it's not like it was a shock. I think they're just glad I'm not going to cause any huge scandals dating a normal guy like I could have with a prince."
And he looks happy, and Lu Han's not the lonely boy he was fifteen years ago, so this is okay. This is good. "I'm glad," he says, with a big grin that Minseok returns, and he really is.
12
He doesn't know her name, but she's so far out of his league that it doesn't even seem worth finding out. She's Chinese, Minseok knows, and she hangs out with some of the other Chinese students like Yixing from his dance team (who's referred to her as Lulu once or twice, but that doesn't sound like a real name), but that's about all he knows. That and she's tall and has a body to die for and the most absurdly perfect face he's ever seen.
He spends about six months pining over her from afar, until Haejin from his physics class asks him out and he figures why not? She's a more approachable, attainable kind of beautiful, and funny and nice even though she can be a brat, and it takes a while, but in the end he does fall for her.
It's not until graduation that Yixing tells him, casually like he it's nothing big (and knowing Yixing maybe he doesn't realize it is), "You know, I really thought you and Lulu would get together sooner or later. She wanted to get to know you, but you always avoided her, so she thought you weren't interested."
Minseok splutters in disbelief and then punches Yixing in the arm. "I hope you know that you've ruined my life," he says, and Yixing just blinks at him in confusion.
He marries Haejin after four years of dating and they're happy so it's not all bad, but there's a part of him that always wonders what could have been.
Part 5
Right after he does it, Minseok's eyes go wide and he quickly gets to his feet, backing away. Lu Han's reaction is slower. He touches the corner of his mouth with two fingers, brow furrowing in confusion.
"I'm sorry," Minseok says nervously. "I shouldn't have done that."
Lu Han blinks, noticing Minseok's panicked reaction for the first time. "It's okay," he says quickly. "You know I don't mind you touching me."
"That wasn't exactly..." Minseok winces, and Lu Han can't help smiling at the expression; he's cute when he's worried.
"It's fine," Lu Han insists. "Really. It's just that no one's ever kissed me before."
"And nobody's supposed to," Minseok points out, still looking worried.
"Especially not a guy," Lu Han adds, continuing right on with his train of thought, and Minseok flinches again. "Have you kissed a guy before?"
Minseok's expression in response to that very eloquently says "What the hell?" "Aren't you supposed to be mad at me?" he asks. "Or disgusted or ready to throw me in the dungeon..."
Lu Han laughs at that, even though Minseok doesn't look like he's joking. "Nobody gets thrown in the dungeon anymore. And I'm not disgusted. I mean, I've never kissed a guy, obviously, but..." He's not really sure how to explain it. It's not something he's thought about before, and yet now that he has, it doesn't feel strange at all. It doesn't feel like the first time he's even considered kissing a man, more like a done deal, like he already knows it's a good thing for him. That's probably weird, but he feels inexplicably comfortable with it.
Minseok still looks nervous after that, but when Lu Han keeps smiling at him, he finally says, slowly, hesitantly, "It's really...okay?
"Well, other people wouldn't like it," Lu Han concedes. "But they wouldn't like that I let you touch me other ways or talk to me informally, or even that we spend time alone together. As long as it's just us, it's okay."
"But..." Minseok still can't seem to accept that answer. "Do you even...?"
Lu Han cocks his head curiously, not sure what he's asking. "What?"
"Like men," Minseok says. His cheeks are a little pink, but he doesn't look away. "Like me."
"I like you!" Lu Han says immediately, but of course he's not talking about it the way Minseok means. Or is he? "I never thought about it, but it's not like I'd let just anyone get so close to me."
"You said yourself you've never really had a companion your age for long," Minseok points out, reasonably enough.
Lu Han frowns, wondering how to explain feelings he doesn't really understand himself. "No. I haven't. But you're..." Different. Special. He can't say why, but it does seem true. "I don't know. But if you tried to kiss me again, I wouldn't say no."
"Can't you do it?" Minseok asks, making a face. "At least that way I can say you started it."
Lu Han laughs, but he gestures for Minseok to sit next to him again, and when he does, Lu Han leans in and kisses him, properly on the mouth this time. He's a little unsure, because he doesn't know the first thing about kissing and it seems like Minseok does, but it feels good when their lips meet, and when Minseok's part against his, he does the same. It doesn't get much farther than that this time, their mouths separating and then meeting again a few times, but when they break apart, Minseok is smiling, and Lu Han matches the expression.
"I should go," Minseok says reluctantly, still very close to Lu Han. "It's almost time for my Mandarin lesson."
"Okay," Lu Han says, leaning in for one more brief kiss. "But we'll continue this another time?" He's still unsure, in a way a prince has no business being, but Minseok's smile widens in response.
"Definitely," Minseok agrees. "I'll see you soon."
Lu Han is excited to meet Minseok for lunch the next day. He hasn't been able to stop thinking about what happened, about Minseok's lips warm against his and his smile when they said goodbye. Until now, he never cared much that he hadn't kissed anyone, but now that it's happened, he very much wants to kiss Minseok again.
He's not so naive as to not realize that it's a complicated situation, that kissing Minseok isn't something he should be doing, and not just because no one is supposed to touch the prince. But they've been getting away with so much, being alone together and laughing and speaking informally and touching in a platonic sort of way, that maybe he's come to take it for granted a little, to assume that no one will bother them if they don't step too obviously out of line.
He can tell, when Minseok shows up, that he's thinking about it too. He can't quite look at Lu Han and sometimes his cheeks get a little flushed or he stumbles over his words. Nobody seems to notice, or if they do they're too well-trained to show it, but Lu Han hopes they can't guess the reason behind his behavior. He's relieved when they finish eating and he and Minseok can have some time alone, as usual.
Once they're alone, Minseok flops dramatically onto the bed. "Did I sound as awkward as I felt out there?" he asks, covering his face with his hands. Then, as often happens, he catches himself and sits up, looking over at Lu Han to make sure his behavior isn't going too far.
Lu Han, for his part, laughs as he sits on the bed near Minseok's feet. "You were kind of awkward," he confirms. "It was cute."
Minseok, satisfied that he hasn't offended Lu Han, covers his face with his hands again. "This is a terrible idea. I'm so bad at this. Everyone's going to know the second they look at me and I'm going to be in so much trouble."
"Relax," Lu Han says, putting a hand on Minseok's leg since it's what he can reach. "No one will know because they have no reason to think there's anything going on between their innocent little prince and his friend."
"Innocent," Minseok scoffs. "But I guess you kind of are, if you just got your first kiss at sixteen."
"Shut up," Lu Han grumbles, giving Minseok's thigh a pinch in retaliation. "You try and date while spending all your time locked up in the palace."
"I don't mind," Minseok says, sitting up and scooting closer to Lu Han. His voice drops lower in both volume and pitch and Lu Han really likes the sound of it. "It's nice, knowing that I'm your first in everything." Then he promptly ruins the effect by making his Shit, did I go too far? face and saying "Um, I mean, we don't...uh, that is..."
Lu Han laughs at him again. "You're cute when you're freaking out," he says, and shows how much he's not offended by leaning in for a kiss. Then he murmurs, "It sounds nice, you being my first," just to see the way Minseok's cheeks flush darker up close. He's not sure how much he means it when he only had his first kiss yesterday, but he doesn't mind the idea.
For now, he leans in again to kiss Minseok in earnest. He still doesn't know what he's doing, but once he makes it clear what he wants, Minseok takes over, bring a hand up to cup Lu Han's neck as he deepens the kiss. There are tongues involved now and it doesn't seem like it should feel this good, but it does. Lu Han fists his hands in the sides of Minseok's shirt and lets himself get lost in the kiss.
He doesn't know how long they've been kissing when suddenly there's a knock on the door. They break apart, Minseok moving away so fast he almost falls off the bed and Lu Han has to grab his arm. He drops it as soon as Minseok is stable and moves a respectable distance away. "What is it?" he asks, hoping there's nothing in his voice to give him away.
"The emperor's lunch appointment finished early so he requested that we fetch you now for the meeting regarding your birthday celebration," says one of the stewards.
Lu Han's relieved to know that it's nothing bad, but also annoyed because this means he has to stop kissing Minseok, and a little worried that it'll be completely obvious what he's been doing in here. "I'll be out in a moment," he calls back, then turns to Minseok, who looks a little panicked even though they haven't been caught. "Do I look okay?" he asks quietly, patting his hair.
Minseok reaches out with both hands and smoothes Lu Han's hair out. "You're fine," he says. "Just..." He makes a gesture of wiping his lips, and Lu Han does it, though he doesn't think it'll make much difference.
"Fix your shirt," he tells Minseok, who hurries to tuck it neatly back in. "Okay." Then, reluctantly, "Tomorrow?" Minseok nods, and Lu Han gets to his feet, heading out the door and off to meet his father.
The emperor looks displeased when Lu Han arrives, but the emperor often looks displeased, especially after an audience, so that doesn't mean he's angry with Lu Han. "Have a seat," he says, and Lu Han does as he's told.
It's difficult to focus as another steward outlines the plan so far to celebrate Lu Han's birthday when he'd much rather think about what he was doing before he was summoned here. He can still feel Minseok's lips on his, and he presses them together, remembering. Luckily, everyone is used to him occasionally spacing out, so no one is surprised when he completely fails to notice the steward asking him a question.
"Prince," says the emperor, just a tiny bit sharp, and Lu Han snaps to attention.
"I'm sorry," he says immediately. "You had a question?"
The question is about Minseok's birthday, which Lu Han knows is less than a month before his. "We don't wish to eclipse your celebration in any way," the steward says in his usual extremely formal way, "but it would likely make a positive impression if we acknowledge his birthday along with yours in some way. Would that be acceptable to you?"
"I don't mind," Lu Han says. In reality, he not only doesn't mind but is excited at the prospect of sharing his party with Minseok, but it wouldn't be seemly to say that.
"I've been told that you and our Korean visitor have been getting along well," says the emperor. Lu Han searches for some hint of reproach in his tone, but he seems to mean it.
"Yes, we have," Lu Han tells him. "I'm grateful that you brought him here." Then, even though he probably shouldn't, he continues, "May I ask how long you intend for him to stay?"
The emperor gives him an inscrutable look, the kind Lu Han has been trying and failing to perfect for years. "That hasn't been decided yet," he answers. "For now, we are enjoying his company as well."
There's nothing at all in his words to imply a threat, but it makes Lu Han a little nervous all the same. If there's no set date for Minseok leaving, he could be here for years, but he could just as easily be gone next week. At least it sounds like he should be around until Lu Han's birthday, which is still a full three months away. He can worry about what comes next later.
"How are the plans for your birthday coming?" Minseok asks over lunch the next day. "They're starting so early that I'm sure it'll be amazing."
"It always is," Lu Han says, which isn't a lie, just leaving out the part where he doesn't actually enjoy his amazing birthday parties very much. He's usually too busy playing nice with important guests and making sure to look like he's having fun in a classy and well-behaved manner to have any real fun.
Minseok looks like he suspects that Lu Han isn't saying everything on his mind, but he knows better than to ask. "I'll look forward to it, then."
"It sounds like we'll be celebrating your birthday too," Lu Han tells him, since it seems Minseok hasn't heard yet, "so you'll have all the more reason to look forward to it."
"Really?" Minseok looks surprised, but happy too.
"So I've been told," Lu Han says mysteriously.
If they were alone, Minseok would probably whine and hit him, but as it is he just gives him a slightly pouty look that Lu Han thinks is adorable and says, "I see. Then I'll look forward to that as well."
Later, when they're alone, Minseok does indeed whine at him. "What was that about celebrating my birthday? Is that what you talked about yesterday?"
"It's not really that big a deal," Lu Han admits, "at least not yet. We just talked about how it would be good to include your birthday in the celebration, and the steward in charge of the party said he would present some plans later. I don't have any idea yet what's going to happen."
"Would you tell me if you did know?" Minseok asks dryly.
"Maybe," Lu Han says, grinning. "Don't you like surprises?" But it's Lu Han who gets a surprise when Minseok answers him with a kiss. "What was that for?" he asks (not that he sees much reason to complain).
"No reason," Minseok says. "I'd just rather do that than talk about vague plans for a party three months away."
"Me too," Lu Han agrees, and kisses him. This is already starting to feel familiar, though no less thrilling, Minseok's hands finding their way into his hair while Lu Han's arms wrap around him to pull him closer. He's warm and solid, his mouth hot against Lu Han's, and Lu Han hopes no one interrupts them because he could do this for a long time, if given the chance.
And they do, Minseok occasionally pulling back to press a kiss to Lu Han's cheek or jaw but mostly staying at his mouth, tongue sending shivers of pleasure through Lu Han's body. By the time they pause for breath, Minseok is practically in Lu Han's lap, straddling one of his thighs, and if Lu Han were a little more sure of himself, he'd pull Minseok in the rest of the way to press against him. As it is, he settles for feeling Minseok close, his breath warm on Lu Han's cheek.
"I just want to keep kissing you," Minseok murmurs, voice low and the tiniest bit rough, lips just brushing Lu Han's skin, and the shiver that runs through Lu Han is more obvious this time.
"Don't stop," he answers, surprised at how his own voice sounds, rough and needy.
So they don't stop until a bell chimes the hour and Minseok pulls away with great reluctance. Lu Han clings to him, but he pulls back more insistently until Lu Han finally lets go. "I have lessons to get to," Minseok says, sounding like he's trying to convince himself more than Lu Han. "And so do you."
"Yeah." Lu Han feels dazed and aroused and in absolutely no mood to study Chinese history, but he doesn't think his tutor or his parents will accept 'I was busy kissing my friend' as an excuse for missing lessons.
"We can do this again tomorrow," Minseok says, slowly getting off the bed and straightening out his clothes and hair. "You don't have to wait long." He bends down for one more kiss before stepping back. "I'll see you at dinner."
It's remarkably difficult to sit through dinner with Minseok, the emperor and empress and some miscellaneous dignitaries and focus on the conversation and not how nice Minseok looks all dressed up. At least Lu Han's not expected to speak much, but he has to look like he's listening and pay at least enough attention to be able to respond if someone does ask him a question, and it's so hard to care about trade agreements with Minseok sitting right across from him.
But he manages somehow, and lunchtime comes soon enough the next day. Lu Han thinks he exhibits great restraint by not playing footsie with Minseok under the table, but as soon as they're safely in Lu Han's bedroom, he pounces him. It's clear that Minseok has been waiting impatiently too, with how quickly and eagerly he kisses back.
It's like that for a few days, the two of them playing nice as long as they have an audience and then kissing desperately the second they don't. Things progress, little by little, to lying down on the bed and pressing up against each other and eventually to Lu Han's hands finding their way under Minseok's shirt to slide up his bare back. It's slow, because Lu Han's not too sure of himself and Minseok is still hesitant to make the first move with anything new (and while Minseok may be more experienced than Lu Han, it doesn't seem like it's by much), but Lu Han doesn't mind. They have time.
On the other hand, he is a teenage boy with active teenage boy hormones, and he can only take so much of Minseok pressed against him as they kiss before he lets out a groan, muffled against Minseok's mouth. Minseok pulls away enough to whisper, "Shh," but when he meets Lu Han's eyes, whatever he sees makes his breath catch. "Do you..." he starts, very quietly. One of his hands is resting on Lu Han's side, over his shirt, and Lu Han suddenly very much wants to feel it against his skin.
Lu Han glances at the clock; they still have half an hour before Minseok has to go. "Yes," he says, though he's not entirely sure what he's agreeing to yet, and sits up and takes his shirt off. Minseok watches him, eyes wide, until Lu Han impatiently gestures for him to take his shirt off too.
Part of him just wants to stare, once Minseok has his shirt off, but more than that he wants to touch, so he does. Minseok's not as thin as Lu Han, but he has muscles that feel good under Lu Han's hands as they skate over his skin, and then he bends down to kiss Lu Han's neck, his collarbones, and Lu Han finds himself gasping for air. "Shh," Minseok murmurs again. "We have to be quiet." With his lips on Lu Han's shoulder, he might as well be saying something dirty, the way it makes Lu Han shiver with desire.
Minseok's still a little afraid to touch him, so Lu Han has to take his hand and put it where he wants it. They both gasp, Minseok probably because he's touching the crown prince very inappropriately, and Lu Han because he's really turned on and even just Minseok's hand on top of his pants feels good. He's not sure if it's too much, but then he catches Minseok's eye and sees that he wants this just as much. "Please," he says, and Minseok wets his lips nervously before nodding.
It's hard to stay quiet, but even if they're alone, there are sure to be servants nearby, so Lu Han presses a hand over his mouth as Minseok opens his pants to touch him for real. His body jerks at the first touch and Minseok seems startled, but one look at Lu Han reassures him that it's okay. After that, he doesn't hesitate, stroking Lu Han until he's writhing around on the bed, barely managing to muffle the sounds that escape him. It feels so good he wants it to last a long time, but it's too much and all too soon, he comes hard over Minseok's hand.
He uncovers his mouth and gasps for breath as he comes down, and it takes him a little while to notice Minseok watching him as he wipes his hand clean. "What?" he asks, suddenly embarrassed. Very few people have seen him in this state of undress, and no one's ever seen him come until today, and even if he feels comfortable with Minseok, it's a lot.
"Nothing," Minseok says, a small smile on his face as he bends down to kiss Lu Han.
Once Lu Han can breathe properly again, he sits up and kisses Minseok, and after a few seconds of that he feels brave enough to put his own hand between Minseok's legs. Minseok lets out a small moan against his lips, and so Lu Han presses forward, opening his pants and pushing them out of the way so he can get a hand around him. Minseok chokes on air at the touch, and though they haven't talked about it, Lu Han suspects no one's ever done this to him either.
He's torn between wanting to watch Minseok and wanting to keep kissing him, and he settles on the second, drinking down his little gasps and moans until Minseok's jaw goes slack and he presses his mouth into Lu Han's neck to muffle the louder sounds that he can't hold back. It's hot, and Lu Han moves his hand faster, wanting to hear more. It's obvious Minseok's holding back, but he does get a little louder, until finally he jerks against Lu Han as he comes.
Lu Han kisses him again after, breathless and sloppy but still so good. "I'm waiting for someone to throw open the door and flip out on me," Minseok murmurs with a small burst of slightly-hysterical laughter. "I can't believe we did that."
Lu Han's a little shocked too, but he can't say he regrets it at all, or that he doesn't want to do it again. "Are you complaining?" he asks.
"No," Minseok says quickly. "But...you're the crown prince."
"Yeah, and you're..." My boyfriend, he almost wants to say, but it's too soon for that. "It doesn't matter," he finishes instead. "I wanted this."
"I don't think the emperor and empress would accept that excuse," Minseok says dryly, the tinge of panic just barely lingering in his voice.
"I hope that doesn't mean you don't want to do it again." Lu Han says it teasingly, but he does want to know; it seems like Minseok enjoyed it too, but this is all very new to him and he doesn't want to assume too much.
Minseok leans back enough to look at him. His cheeks are flushed, though whether that's still from arousal or from embarrassment now, Lu Han can't say. "I do if you do," he says, shy but certain. "We just have to be careful. I guarantee you that if we get caught, I'll be on the next flight home, no matter how bad it'll look."
"I know," Lu Han assures him. "I'll be very careful."
It's not easy, because Lu Han only finds himself wanting Minseok more now, and because it's really hard to stay quiet as they get more familiar with each other's bodies and find new ways to turn each other on. They never go all the way, because that would be too hard to hide, but they experiment with kisses and touches that light Lu Han's nerves on fire and make Minseok shake under hands and bite back the most amazing moans. For Lu Han, who is so used to no one touching him at all, it's thrilling and wonderful and he can't get enough of it.
It's not easy at all, but they manage somehow as the weeks creep by and the weather slowly warms up. Lu Han doesn't know how they're managing to fool everyone when he feels like it's written all over his face how much he wants Minseok, but if anyone suspects, they're keeping quiet about it, both to Lu Han and to the emperor and empress. As long as they don't find out, it'll be okay.
The other thing that happens as time passes is that Lu Han comes to realize that this isn't just about wanting Minseok. He does, very much, and he likes him as a friend, but it's more. He felt it from the beginning, that Minseok was special, and he feels it more and more with each passing day. He doesn't know what love is, but he definitely likes Minseok a lot, in a way he's never liked anyone before.
He's afraid to ask if Minseok feels the same, afraid that it'll turn out that it's too much, too fast. But Minseok never refuses him or gives any indication that he wants to, so that has to count for something. Hopefully one day Lu Han will be brave enough to share what he's feeling and find out Minseok's response, but for now, he's content with the way things are.
Eventually, Minseok's birthday rolls around, and though the plans to include him in Lu Han's party have solidified, they still hold a small celebration for him on the day. As a surprise (officially a present from Lu Han), his parents and younger sister come to visit, and Lu Han is surprised to see Minseok briefly tear up before he gets himself under control.
He teases Minseok about it the next time they're alone, a few days later after Minseok's family has gone home, but secretly he thinks it's cute, and maybe he's jealous, a little, that Minseok has a closer relationship to his parents than Lu Han can ever have. "Do you miss them?" he asks, even though he's not sure he wants to hear the answer.
Minseok looks at him as he most likely debates playing tough versus telling the truth, and finally he says, "Yeah. Before I came here, I was kind of doing the teenager thing, you know, just wanting my parents to leave me alone, but being away for so long makes me realize they're not so bad."
His words tug at Lu Han's heart in a way he doesn't think he likes. "Do you..." he asks slowly, hesitantly, not sure he wants to say it. "Do you want to go home?"
Minseok looks at him in surprise, and then his expression turns thoughtful. "I do miss them," he says. "A lot, some days. But I'd miss you if I went back to Korea now. A lot, probably. So I'm not ready to leave yet."
Those words tug at Lu Han's heart too, but in an entirely different way. "Yeah?" He asks, half expecting Minseok to laugh and take it back.
"Yeah." Minseok does look amused, but in a fond, indulgent sort of way. "Unless you're trying to get rid of me..."
"No!" Lu Han says, too loud and too quickly, and now Minseok does laugh.
"Relax. I'm not going anywhere unless someone makes me." Then he kisses Lu Han, and while it's not quite the confession Lu Han's been imagining, he thinks that this is enough to erase any doubts that Minseok feels something for him too.
It's only a few weeks from Minseok's birthday to Lu Han's, and the time flies by. Lu Han is busy, because even if it is his birthday, he has to be prepared to recognize and greet all the honored guests, and to give a dignified speech that makes him sound grown up and respectable but humble and lovable at the same time. (It's a good thing he has speechwriters or he'd just end up saying something like, "Thank you very much! Bye!") It's not really about celebrating his birthday; it's about showing the world what a wonderful prince China has.
Minseok is excited, even though Lu Han keeps telling him not to be. "Haven't you had enough of fancy parties like this?" he asks.
"I don't go, usually," Minseok says. "And I don't really care, but it'll be fun, for a change. And it's not every day such a fancy party is even a little bit for me. Plus the company will be good." He winks at Lu Han, and doesn't seem to mind when that gets a laugh.
The night before, the emperor and empress have a private dinner with a few of their special visitors, so Lu Han has to (or in his mind is allowed to) have dinner alone with Minseok. They're not really alone, of course, but things are much more relaxed than the usual family dinners. Lu Han's probably not as careful as he should be in front of his attendants anymore, but they must all be used to it by now.
Lu Han is normally supposed to do some studying after dinner (which sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't), but even though he and Minseok had some time to themselves after lunch, he still drags Minseok into his room when they finish eating. It's almost his birthday, he reasons; he's allowed to have a little something special.
Minseok doesn't object, happy to loop his arms around Lu Han's neck and kiss him senseless. There's no particular time limit on them now like there is in the afternoons, but Lu Han still hurries to get Minseok out of his shirt so he can press his lips to the exposed skin of his neck, his collarbones, his stomach. When he gets dangerously low on Minseok's stomach, a hand on his cheek makes him look up. "What?"
Minseok sits up again, biting his lip like he's nervous. "I, um, got you a present," he says. "I was going to wait until it's actually your birthday, but now seems like a good time." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a handful of small packets, dropping them on the bed in front of Lu Han.
"What...?" Lu Han asks, bending down to take a closer look, and then heat rises in his cheeks when he realizes what he's looking at. He looks up at Minseok, who is also flushed and studying his knees.
"If you don't want to, we don't have to, but I thought maybe..." He looks so shy, which he hasn't with Lu Han in a long time. Lu Han swallows down the rush of feelings it triggers in him, both Minseok's expression and his offer, and focuses instead on the desperate want it also causes.
"Are you sure?" he asks, really hoping Minseok won't say no.
"You think I'd go to all the trouble of getting this stuff if I wasn't?" Minseok says, apparently recovered from his self-consciousness enough to be sarcastic again. Lu Han can't say he really minds.
"Good."
They lose their clothes quickly, in spite of not wanting to stop kissing or touching each other, and it would be easy to keep going like this, the way they have for a while now. It's comfortable, familiar, easy. But then Minseok puts his hands on Lu Han's chest to hold him back and asks, already breathless, "Don't you want your present?"
They're so close, Minseok's face with dark eyes and swollen lips filling his field of vision, and oh, yes, he wants this. He leans in for one more kiss, soft, and then pulls back and picks up one of the packets.
It's a little awkward, fumbling, both of them too eager and neither really sure what they're doing, but when Lu Han pushes into Minseok, watching his face contort with pain and pleasure all mixed together, it's better than anything he's ever felt before. A little later, when he gets a good rhythm going and Minseok moans out a needy, "Touch me," and gasps when Lu Han does, that's even better.
It's hard to stay quiet and Lu Han's too far gone to even tell if they are, but also too far gone to care. He just barely manages to hold on until Minseok jerks beneath him and then he's coming too, chasing the pleasure with a last few feeble thrusts before he goes still.
"Damn." Minseok's voice is barely above a whisper, but he smiles as he pushes his sweaty hair off his face and looks up at Lu Han.
Lu Han laughs, feeling embarrassingly happy as he collapses on the bed next to Minseok. "I can already tell you this is going to be the best birthday present I get this year."
"I am pretty great, huh?" Minseok says, then laughs and rolls over to hide his face against Lu Han's shoulder.
"You are," Lu Han agrees, only half joking. It's on the tip of his tongue, the words he's been thinking about saying for so long. He could say it, and he thinks, though there's still no way to know for sure unless he tries, that Minseok would say it back. If they stay like this long enough, Minseok curled up warm against his side, he just might work up the courage to find out.
But that doesn't happen because suddenly there's a knock on the door. As worn out as they were a second ago, they instantly spring apart. Minseok's eyes are wide with panic, and Lu Han's sure he looks the same as he scrambles for his clothes. There's another knock, more insistent, and Minseok hisses, "Say something."
"Yes?" His voice sounds rough to his ears, but hopefully it's not enough for anyone to notice.
"Please come outside immediately." Lu Han recognizes that voice, and his heart sinks. It's one of his father's advisors, a shrewd and unforgiving man. If he heard anything, if he's realized what was going on, he won't be willing to let it go the way the servants almost certainly are by now.
"One moment, please," Lu Han says politely, even though he doesn't need to be polite to an advisor. Minseok is frantically buttoning up his shirt, but he still looks a mess, his hair sticking up in all directions. Lu Han's probably not much better off, and the bed is all rumpled and there's still an unused condom buried in the sheets somewhere. His heart is pounding and it's hard to breathe.
They finish dressing and smooth down their hair, and Lu Han is just trying to straighten out the bed when the advisor says, "Now, please, prince. I'm going to open the door."
Lu Han looks up and meets Minseok's eyes, seeing the same fear reflected in them. "I'm sorry," he whispers, and Minseok shakes his head, and that's all they manage before the door opens.
One look at the advisor's frowning face and Lu Han knows. He knows that they've been caught and he knows that this is it. "Let's talk outside," he says, and somehow he manages to find his cool, collected prince voice even though he's anything but calm right now.
"It's not me you need to explain yourself too," the advisor tells him. "I'm going to take you to see the emperor and empress."
Minseok's breath catches, but Lu Han manages to keep his cool front. "Very well."
They walk in silence, Minseok staying a step or two behind Lu Han. It feels like everyone they pass is staring at them, which is probably true, and like they all know what's going on, which may or may not be. He hopes it's not; the smaller the potential scandal, the less angry the emperor and empress will be with him. If it's only Lu Han's personal attendants and this advisor who know, they'll only be furious instead of livid.
Finally, they arrive at the emperor and empress' chambers. That's a relief, at least. If they were still with guests, they wouldn't be happy about being interrupted. "Come in," says the emperor.
"Wait here," says the advisor (and Lu Han doesn't have to listen to him, but what else can he do?) "I'll explain." He goes inside, closing the door behind him.
Minseok is still hanging back, and Lu Han turns around to look at him. He's managed to get his expression under control, but he's extremely tense, shoulders hunched. "I—" Lu Han starts, but he breaks off when Minseok shakes his head. He doesn't know what he'd say anyway.
"It was always going to happen someday," Minseok says, very quietly, his voice flat. "We were never going to have a happy ending."
He's right, of course. One day, probably not so far away, Lu Han will be expected to marry someone who will look good beside him and produce an heir to the throne, and Minseok was always going to go back to Korea sooner or later because this isn't his home. It was stupid to worry about if Minseok shared his feelings when that ultimately doesn't make a difference.
"I just—" Lu Han tries again, but he breaks off when there's a sound on the other side of the door, and then it opens.
"Come inside," says the emperor, and Lu Han reluctantly obeys, Minseok trailing behind him.
The emperor and empress are sitting on the couch, but they don't look relaxed at all. The emperor is wearing that expression Lu Han knows well, where he's very angry but trying to hide it, and the empress looks almost disturbed. It's hard to look at them, but Lu Han's well trained enough to stand up straight and not flinch.
"Explain yourself," the emperor says sharply.
"I understand it's already been explained to you." Lu Han darts a glance over at the advisor, who's standing beside the couch.
"I want you to explain to me why you thought this was acceptable behavior for a prince."
"I have no excuse," he says. There's no point in trying to justify it. He knows how this will end.
"And you?" the emperor presses, turning on Minseok. "We offered you our hospitality and this is how you repay us?" Lu Han bristles, but he forces himself to stay quiet because defending Minseok will only make it worse.
"I'm very sorry." Minseok doesn't make excuses either. "Please don't allow this to color your opinion of my country."
The emperor makes a dismissive sound. The gloves have come off now; he's rarely rude to guests. "You're only a boy. Perhaps it was a mistake to bring you so far from home." Out of the corner of his eye, Lu Han sees Minseok stand up straighter, but he doesn't say anything. "I think it's time you went home," the emperor continues, and now Lu Han can't help but flinch, even though he knew it was coming.
"But the party is tomorrow," the empress points out.
"Oh, yes." The emperor frowns. "You may stay for the party," he tells Minseok. "Be prepared to leave the following day, as soon as the other guests are gone."
"Understood," Minseok says, his voice small but even.
"Now leave us," the emperor says, and Minseok immediately obeys. "You too," he tells the advisor, who follows Minseok out, leaving Lu Han alone with the emperor and empress.
"I'm sorry," Lu Han says when the door closes. He's been doing well, but now his voice wavers.
The empress' brow furrows and some of the angry tension leaves the emperor's face, because even if they're always the emperor and empress to him, they are his parents. "You're a prince," the empress says. "The world is watching you. You can't forget that." Her words are harsh, but there's a gentle hint to her tone, almost apologetic.
"Your party is tomorrow," the emperor tells him, as if Lu Han could forget. "Rest and prepare yourself. You're my son and I trust that you can stand tall and present yourself well."
Lu Han doesn't know if it's a compliment or a rebuke, but it doesn't matter. It's what he has to do, so he'll do it. He bows and takes his leave, returning to his rooms alone, and that's how he greets his birthday at midnight, alone and miserable in his room in a bed that still smells of Minseok.
The party isn't until late afternoon, but Lu Han is woken up early to prepare. "Happy birthday," says his tutor when he meets Lu Han to review the important guests and his speeches. His smile is the same as always, but there's a flash of guarded sympathy after it that tells Lu Han he knows what happened last night, or at least enough of it. He's afraid to find out how far word has spread already. He just hopes none of the guests find out or the party will be unbearably awkward.
He sleepwalks his way through the morning, glad for a change to have people to tell him where to go and what to wear and who to talk to. It'll be bad later, when he has to let himself think, and when Minseok will be there, but for now he can pretend that nothing has changed since this time yesterday. He wasn't looking forward to his birthday party then either, but he did have a lot more to look forward to in general.
The morning passes too quickly, and soon Lu Han is well dressed and as ready as he'll ever be for the party. The guests are already assembled, so it's time for the guest of honor to make his grand entrance. He takes a deep breath, pastes on his best charming, princely smile and steps through the door. Cheers and camera flashes greet him, and he smiles through them the way he always does.
It's okay until he turns to greet the emperor and empress. They're sitting together with a few other particularly-important guests, and near them, as the guest of slightly-less-honor, is Minseok. Most people probably can't tell, but Lu Han is close enough to see the circles under his eyes that haven't quite been covered up. Still, while he may not be a prince, he's learned to fake a smile, and it doesn't falter as he stands and bows in polite greeting to Lu Han.
Thankfully, Lu Han has been preparing for this for so long that he can give his welcome speech in his sleep before taking his seat beside the emperor. Then the emperor and empress each say a few words that he only pretends to listen to, followed be a long parade of people giving Lu Han gifts he by and large doesn't actually want but has to look excited about.
At last the flow of people stops and Lu Han thinks it's over, but then he looks over to see Minseok getting to his feet. Oh no, he thinks, and braces himself.
"I'm afraid my present may not measure up to some of the wonderful gifts you've received," Minseok says in slow but well-pronounced Mandarin, "but I hope it's something you'll enjoy." A servant brings forward a box, though it won't be opened until later, and most likely not by Lu Han. "I know how much you enjoy your Korean studies, so this I'd like to present you with these Korean books to practice with. They include some non-fiction about Korean history and culture, as well as some novels that I personally enjoy and hope you will too."
He bows again, and Lu Han bobs his head and thanks him for his thoughtful gift. He's glad that his voice comes out smooth and his smile doesn't falter, even though he forces himself to look at Minseok when he speaks so no one can read anything into them not meeting each other's eyes. He's even gladder when Minseok sits back down and he doesn't have to look at him anymore, but it won't last.
Sure enough, the emperor announces that Minseok has also turned seventeen recently, and they'd like to present him with a few gifts as well. The gift from the emperor and empress is some traditional clothing that Minseok will now never have a chance to wear, but he graciously accepts it. Then it's Lu Han's turn. He already gave Minseok a present on his real birthday, a photo album with lots of embarrassing pictures of Minseok around the palace and some nicer ones of both of them, but this is for show.
"It seems we had similar thoughts," Lu Han says with a forced laugh, "since I also got you a present to help with your language studies." For Minseok, it's movies, some educational and some designed to make him laugh. "I hope you will enjoy watching them, and think of me when you do." It's not exactly what he's supposed to say, but close enough that no one's likely to notice. Minseok thanks him, and when he smiles at Lu Han, there's something in it that's a little more real, if a little sadder too.
Then the worst is over, and it's time for Lu Han to mingle. He's always hated this part, but he's used to it by now, and his tutor has prepared him well to speak to everyone important enough to get more than a hello from him. At least it gives him something to focus on besides Minseok also walking around and greeting people.
It's going well until he runs into a familiar face, an old man from Nanjing who is entitled to come to all the special events by virtue of some connection to the previous emperor, Lu Han's grandfather. He's not a bad guy, generally, but Lu Han bristles when he says, "I wasn't sure about that Korean kid at first, but it seems like he's doing well here."
"He's no more a kid than I am," Lu Han tells him in the tone he reserves for people being overly familiar with him.
"Of course not, prince," the man says, somehow managing to make his polite words sound condescending. "I only meant that I admire the progress he's made in learning our language and culture."
Lu Han follows his gaze over to where Minseok is talking to a middle-aged couple, and he's been holding on, but the sight of Minseok laughing at something the woman says is like a stab to his gut. He can't help thinking that he won't have another chance to make Minseok laugh like that, or even to see him laugh from a distance. Tomorrow, Minseok will be gone and there will be no one left in the palace to laugh with him at all.
"Prince?" the old man asks, almost gentle, and Lu Han starts.
"My apologies," Lu Han says politely. "Yes, you're right. Our Korean guest has done very well here."
He makes it through the rest of his mingling without looking at Minseok, but now that the thought has settled in the back of his mind, he can't push it away again. Tomorrow, Minseok will be gone, and there's no telling if they'll ever see each other again. He's not going so far away, but he'll never be allowed to visit after what happened.
Finally, the end of the party draws near. Lu Han has another speech to give, and he does it on autopilot, the words coming out with the ease of long practice.
Then it's Minseok's turn to give a shorter speech, and Lu Han braces himself as he steps forward. "I'm very thankful to all of you for humoring my inclusion in this party even though today isn't really my birthday," he says lightly, "and to the prince for sharing his special day with me. I've very much enjoyed my time spent with everyone here."
He glances back at Lu Han, just for a moment, and then continues, "I didn't know what to expect when I came to China, and to be honest, I was a little afraid of how I'd get by here. But I have felt very welcomed and very lucky to have had the opportunity to come here." He pauses, taking a steadying breath. "I don't wish to detract from the prince's celebration, but I'm afraid I must announce that I'll be returning to Korea soon. I've had a wonderful time here, but there is still a lot for me to learn in my own country, and I've been away from my family for a long time. I'm very grateful for the hospitality I've enjoyed here, and everything I've been able to learn and experience."
He turns and bows to the empress, the emperor, and finally Lu Han. Their eyes meet, and there are a million things in his expression that Lu Han wishes they'd have the chance to say out loud, but then Minseok is turning back to the crowd and thanking them before returning to his seat.
The emperor and empress say a few more words of thanks, and then make their exit along with Lu Han, and that's the end. Lu Han gives his own private thanks to the emperor and empress and then follows a few attendants toward his rooms, looking forward to being able to change his clothes and rest after a draining couple of hours. Thinking about that, he almost doesn't notice someone stop to let him pass in the hallway, only looking up just in time to see that it's Minseok, escorted by Lu Han's tutor of all people.
Lu Han freezes. He knows he should keep walking, pretend nothing is out of the ordinary, but he can't. "Prince, you should go, rest," his tutor says. But then he does something strange and steps in front of Lu Han, blocking him from the attendants, who are waiting for him just ahead. Minseok realizes it at the same time, and he takes a step closer.
It's only a moment, a single moment before they'll most likely never see each other again, but it's one more moment than Lu Han thought they would have. He grabs Minseok's hand and squeezes it tightly. "Thank you," Minseok whispers. "For everything. I'm sorry I can't stay."
They're lingering too long, so Lu Han takes a step away and says, out loud and in Mandarin instead of the Korean Minseok used, "No, thank you. It was our pleasure to have you as a guest here." It's too formal to be what he really means, but he thinks Minseok will understand. Sure enough, he gives a smile and a tiny nod before bowing in thanks. Lu Han waits until he stands up so he can smile back, then walks away.
It's not enough. It's not a goodbye and it's not a reprieve from Minseok being taken away from him, but it's a little bit more closure than he thought he'd get, and it'll have to do. It's the best he's got.
It's fifteen years before they meet again, when Lu Han takes a trip to Korea. It's not the first he's made there, given his well-publicized interest in the country, but it's the first time when, after he makes his greetings to the royal family and is escorted to the guest rooms, he's told there's one more person who'd like to greet him.
He expects some uninteresting noble or another visiting dignitary. He doesn't expect a changed yet still familiar face to come through the door, smiling hesitantly before giving a deep bow. "Greetings, prince," he says, in Mandarin that has held up to the years a lot better than Lu Han would expect. "It's been a long time since we spoke."
It has been, because the emperor and empress made it clear that he should not be in contact with Minseok, and even if he's an adult now, their word is still law for him. Besides, it would only hurt, and now that Lu Han is married with a child on the way, it would be strange to contact the man he loved when he was younger.
"It's good to see you again," Lu Han says in informal Korean, and a laugh bursts out of Minseok before he can stop himself.
"Not in the palace," he hisses, but Lu Han laughs too, and any awkwardness melts away in an instant.
"Sorry for the surprise visit," Minseok says, in Korean now but still polite. "A certain someone who wants to remain nameless asked if I wanted to come meet you and I couldn't say no."
"Did you want to?"
"Of course not." It is really good to see Minseok again, Lu Han thinks at the sight of that smile he hasn't seen in so long but has never forgotten. "I can't stay or it'll look bad, but I wanted to say hi, at least. See you in person instead of on TV for a change."
Lu Han nods. He wants to argue, but he's grown up enough now to understand that there are some things he can't fight. "How have you been?"
"Good. Really good. And you? I hear you're going to be a father soon." It should be awkward, maybe, but there's fifteen years between them and the pain of separation and it's okay now.
"Yeah." Lu Han grins, because he wasn't so sure about getting married, but having a child is something he's excited about. "What about you? I don't get to hear about your life on the news."
Minseok smiles, a little shyly. "No kids for me, but, uh, there is someone. He's a really great guy."
Lu Han raises an eyebrow at that. "Weren't you supposed to keep the family line going?"
"Well," Minseok says, "my little sister's already got two children, so I'm off the hook. My parents still weren't thrilled, but...well, they knew why I left China so suddenly, so it's not like it was a shock. I think they're just glad I'm not going to cause any huge scandals dating a normal guy like I could have with a prince."
And he looks happy, and Lu Han's not the lonely boy he was fifteen years ago, so this is okay. This is good. "I'm glad," he says, with a big grin that Minseok returns, and he really is.
12
He doesn't know her name, but she's so far out of his league that it doesn't even seem worth finding out. She's Chinese, Minseok knows, and she hangs out with some of the other Chinese students like Yixing from his dance team (who's referred to her as Lulu once or twice, but that doesn't sound like a real name), but that's about all he knows. That and she's tall and has a body to die for and the most absurdly perfect face he's ever seen.
He spends about six months pining over her from afar, until Haejin from his physics class asks him out and he figures why not? She's a more approachable, attainable kind of beautiful, and funny and nice even though she can be a brat, and it takes a while, but in the end he does fall for her.
It's not until graduation that Yixing tells him, casually like he it's nothing big (and knowing Yixing maybe he doesn't realize it is), "You know, I really thought you and Lulu would get together sooner or later. She wanted to get to know you, but you always avoided her, so she thought you weren't interested."
Minseok splutters in disbelief and then punches Yixing in the arm. "I hope you know that you've ruined my life," he says, and Yixing just blinks at him in confusion.
He marries Haejin after four years of dating and they're happy so it's not all bad, but there's a part of him that always wonders what could have been.
Part 5
