![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sparklepoxTitle: Beautiful
Pairing: Lu Han/Junmyeon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10,409 words
Warnings: unexplained temporary genderswitch, handwaving about EXO's dorm situation, hetsex?
Summary: Junmyeon wasn't kidding that Lu Han is his ideal girl.
Notes: This happened and I asked, "Has anyone written the obligatory fic where Lu Han suddenly turns into a girl and Junmyeon is Very Troubled?" And if it does exist, no one told me, so of course I had to write it myself. And because I wrote it myself, it's the mostly-serious, non-cracky kind of genderswitch.
The morning Lu Han wakes up as a girl, he's pulled out of his more or less peaceful slumber by an ear-piercing shriek courtesy of Zitao. He's not at all happy about that, but he also can't fault Zitao given that he went to sleep without a shirt on and there don't tend to be shirtless women with ample breasts in EXO's dorm first thing in the morning. Besides, once Lu Han registers the situation, he feels like screaming himself.
On the one hand, boobs. Those are intriguing. He can't say he's not a fan of them, though normally on other people. On the other hand, he's spent his entire life reminding people that he's not a girl and now it seems he is. And, crisis of masculinity aside, he has work to do and he thinks the fans will probably have a few questions about who this girl suddenly standing in Lu Han's place is, and also how the hell is he suddenly a girl?!
Sehun, Yixing, Baekhyun and Jongdae join a babbling Zitao standing by his bed before Junmyeon comes running in. Lu Han is still sitting on his bed in shock, and after staring at Lu Han with wide eyes for a good ten seconds, Junmyeon says, in a voice gone high with restrained panic, "Maybe you should put on a shirt!"
Lu Han looks down at his chest and thinks, Oh, right, dazed. He stands up, causing Junmyeon to jump back and Baekhyun to take a step closer ("Damn, those are the real thing!") Lu Han quickly pushes past the others to get to his clothes, self-conscious now that he's stopped to think about it. The first t-shirt he grabs turns out to be unpleasantly tight, so he tugs it off immediately, ignoring the comments from the other members behind him. He pulls on a big sweatshirt instead and returns to his bed.
By now, all of EXO plus one very unhappy manager have gathered in the room, and at least half of them are staring at Lu Han in a "Whoa, a hot girl" kind of way, even though the sweatshirt hangs loose everywhere and his suddenly longer hair is an uncombed mess. Lu Han is torn between preening and feeling uncomfortable, because he's used to people finding him attractive, but not looking like this. He doesn't know how to feel about being an attractive girl when he neither wants to be nor should be a girl at all.
The others seem to still be in shock, or just incredibly confused. "You are Lu Han, right?" Minseok asks slowly, frowning. "You look almost the same, but...not." He gestures at his own face, which Lu Han assumes means his hasn't changed much.
"Who else—?" Lu Han starts to say but breaks off, startled, when the words come out not in his own familiar voice, but in a higher-pitched feminine voice. "Who else would I be?"
He doesn't wait for an answer before getting up again and going to the mirror on the wall, getting his first look at his female face. Minseok's right that he doesn't look that different. More delicate, somehow, the lines of his jaw softer, his Adam's apple smoothed away. His hair is longer, and when he combs his fingers through it, it falls around his face, softening it further. It's eerie, seeing this face that's almost his but not quite looking back at him, making whatever expression he tries to make.
Looking down is even stranger because his body has never been particularly feminine. His shoulders are narrower, his strong legs thinned out, everything smaller except in the vicinity of his chest. It's hard to believe it's really him, even when he moves and the clearly female body he's looking at moves too.
It's too weird, so he turns back to the others, who are talking among themselves but still mostly staring at him. Their manager gives him the kind of "Please give me a break" look usually reserved for dating scandals and food fights, as if Lu Han is doing this on purpose, before saying, "Everybody get out and get ready to go. We leave for practice in an hour."
It takes some pushing on the part of the more responsible members, but everyone clears out eventually. "What about me?" Lu Han asks the manager, wincing at his voice. It would be a perfectly fine voice for an actual woman, but as his voice, it's really not okay, just like him waking up in the wrong body is really not okay.
"You..." The manager frowns and looks him up and down, not in a "you're hot" kind of way but in the way that ends in hair changes or demands to diet or worse. He's probably thinking of the fans who'll be waiting outside their dorm and the SM building to take pictures and wonder who this Lu Han lookalike woman going to practice with EXO is. "We need you at practice, but we'll have to sneak you in separately. Get you something different to wear so you look more...normal."
Lu Han looks down at his clothes, an ordinary sweatshirt and the shorts he went to sleep in. They seem normal enough, but knowing his fans, they'll recognize the sweatshirt as something he's worn before, and the conclusions they're likely to draw from that aren't something he wants to deal with.
That's how Lu Han finds himself making his way to the SM building in a separate car an hour later, dressed in actual women's clothing from his sweats down to the sports bra the female stylists insisted he should wear if he was going to be dancing, laughing when he asked how the hell anyone could dance wearing something so constricting. It's nice to be wearing pants that aren't falling off and to not have his boobs(?!) bouncing around, but he feels even less like himself now that he really looks the part.
To the other EXO members' credit, they're focused enough on their dancing that they don't stop when Lu Han walks in the door. On the other hand, the second the song ends, there are suddenly way too many eyes staring at him. "You clean up nice," Baekhyun teases, laughing when Lu Han hits him. He's glad for the comment, though, because it breaks the ice, reminding everyone that he's still Lu Han, even if he's very inexplicably Lu Han in a woman's body.
"Hurry up and stretch, Lu Han," the choreographer tells him before turning to give the other members comments. Lu Han can stretch in his sleep, but he's caught off guard by the differences in his body. He's still in the same shape, maybe a little less strong and a little more flexible, but close enough, but the familiar stretches feel different, and he catches a few eyes on him as he bends down to touch the ground.
Dancing feels different too, and that's more frustrating. His step size is wrong and his balance is different and there's less power in his arms and legs. His ponytail smacks him in the face when he turns too fast and his chest occupies more space than it should, which is especially awkward when the choreography calls for him to run a hand down his chest and stomach in a move that looks a lot less sketchy on a guy.
Lu Han's usually quite patient when it comes to practicing, but like this, it doesn't take long for him to get fed up. Everything feels wrong, and he's angry with himself for being the one to make them do the same moves over and over when he hardly ever is. It seems pointless anyway, because even if no one seems to want to talk about it, he's obviously not going to be able to perform like this.
By the time they take a break, he's ready to throw a tantrum, which is also out of character, flopping to the ground in a disgruntled heap. He's not sure if he wants to complain to someone or for everyone to fuck off, but regardless, Yixing comes over to sit next to him, offering him a water bottle. "It must be hard, doing all the usual moves like that."
Lu Han grunts in agreement, and even that sounds weird.
"I remember when I had a growth spurt and I tried to dance like I did before and everything felt so off. It was really frustrating."
"I don't know why I need to practice anyway," Lu Han mutters. "I can't perform. There's no way people won't notice."
Yixing nods, acknowledging that. "But I'm sure you'll get better soon, and this way you'll be ready."
"Get better..." Lu Han laughs miserably, rubbing a hand over his face. "I have to get better from turning into a girl. What the fuck is going on?"
Yixing considers for a moment, then shrugs and smiles like it's nothing. "Try to enjoy it? Not everyone gets to experience something both sides like that." His smile widens, dimples flashing. "If you haven't changed back by tonight, you can have some fun, test things out." He gestures toward Lu Han's legs, in case his point isn't clear.
Trust Zhang Yixing to smile angelically while suggesting that he touch himself. "You're not offering to help, are you?" Lu Han asks warily.
He's relieved when Yixing immediately laughs. "You're a pretty girl, don't get me wrong, but you're not my type, and it would be almost...incestuous?"
A burst of laughter escapes Lu Han at that, and even though his laugh also sounds wrong, it feels good to laugh, dissipates some of his frustration. As long as Yixing is right that he'll "get better" soon, he can handle this for a little longer.
He starts to get the hang of dancing like this after a while, not enough to be at his usual level, but enough not to embarrass himself, at least. As he gets used to moving in this body, the other members also get more used to him. Some, particularly Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Zitao, keep asking him questions, ranging from "How does it feel?" to a completely shameless "Can I touch your boobs?" Others, like Minseok and Jongdae, treat him the same as usual, except maybe keeping a little more distance between them.
Not everyone reacts so well, even as the day wears on. Jongin keeps staring at him, which isn't unusual for Jongin, but his eyes are definitely not stuck on Lu Han's face. He gets incredibly flustered when Baekhyun calls him on it, but it doesn't stop him from staring again later. As they get ready to leave at the end of dance practice, Lu Han catches him and Sehun whispering and looking in his direction. He gives them a dirty look, but Jongin misses it and Sehun just shrugs apologetically before turning back to the conversation.
Jongin's behavior doesn't really surprise Lu Han, but Junmyeon's does. Their leader is usually right there in the middle of any problem, trying to fix it whether or not his help is needed or wanted, but he's hardly said a word to Lu Han since telling him to put on a shirt that morning. He's barely even looked at him, like he doesn't want to acknowledge Lu Han's existence. Maybe he's worried and trying not to dwell on the reason, but that's not like him, and it's hard not to feel uncomfortable about being ignored. Lu Han feels awkward enough without someone he can normally count on to be reasonable making him feel that much worse about all of this.
They shower after dance practice, and Lu Han remembers what Yixing said about enjoying this body, but he's still too weirded out to do more than take a better look at his (quite nice, in his opinion) breasts and give them a few experimental pokes. There's no time, anyway, and the last thing he wants to do is explain that he held everyone up because he really needed to experience masturbation as a girl.
They have a hurried lunch and a meeting and then split up for various solo activities and practices. Lu Han is supposed to be learning a new song in preparation for recording later in the week, but that's going to be more of a problem than dancing. He hasn't tried to sing yet, but considering that even his speaking voice is still throwing him, he doesn't think he wants to try.
"You can just...go over the lyrics and notes," is the only guidance he gets, a book of sheet music shoved into his hands. He finds an empty room and sits with the music, mouthing the words and humming the notes as softly as he can so the sound is hardly more than a rumbling in his throat. Like that, it doesn't feel too strange.
After an hour of that, a stressed-out manager takes him back to the dorm alone. "You really have no idea how this happened?" he asks, almost pleading.
"I had no idea until this morning that it even could happen," Lu Han mutters. "I still think I might be dreaming."
"If only." The manager heaves a put-upon sigh. "Take the rest of the day off. Stay inside and make sure nobody sees you. Let's just...hope this is a one-day deal." He doesn't sound optimistic. Lu Han tries very hard not to think about what will happen if he doesn't go back to normal by tomorrow.
It's weird being alone in the dorm. Although they have more solo activities recently, if Lu Han is free, there are usually at least a couple of members who are too, and he can drag them out to do something fun. He doesn't like to just sit home doing nothing, and he likes it even less alone, but he doesn't have much of a choice right now.
He tries to watch TV, but it's hard to focus. He stands up, jumps up and down, tries to do some exercises to tire himself out. He wishes he could go for a run, but he's not allowed to go out, and he thinks it would feel too weird to go running in this unfamiliar body anyway. With a sigh, he flops back down on the couch and watches some Hollywood movie with a lot of explosions until he dozes off.
He wakes up, unchanged, when Minseok and Zitao get back a few hours later. "No fair that you got to sleep while we were working," Zitao whines, but he shuts up when Minseok gives him a look. Zitao's always a brat to Lu Han, but Minseok can keep him in line a little better.
"I don't want to sleep," Lu Han grumbles. "I want to work or go out and do something."
"Not allowed?" Minseok asks, and Lu Han nods. "Do I need to make you coffee here, then?" He's probably joking, but when Lu Han turns a pathetic look on him, he smiles tolerantly and says, "I will, if you want."
He does, and Lu Han gratefully accepts the hot cup. Minseok and Zitao sit and drink with him, and Lu Han must look really pitiful because Zitao is nice to him even without Minseok making him. They talk about anything other than the fact that Lu Han has been a girl for a good ten hours with no idea how he got like this or how he can change back, and it doesn't quite let Lu Han forget, but at least he can avoid thinking about it for a while.
Chanyeol, Junmyeon, Jongdae, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo come back to the dorm about two hours later, accompanied by boxes of takeout food for a late dinner. Lu Han's grateful for the noisy distraction of the chatty beagle line, but that's counteracted by the way Junmyeon just barely glances in his direction for a second before mumbling some excuse and leaving the room.
"What's with him?" Zitao asks, but then the food is on the table and they're all too busy fighting over it for anyone to answer the question.
The remaining members come back another hour and a half later, looking like they've been practicing way too hard, as usual, and the dorm is packed and noisy enough to keep Lu Han's mind off everything else until it's time for bed.
He's hoping to fall asleep quickly and wake up back to his normal self in the morning, but the minutes tick by painfully slowly until it's almost 3 a.m. and he still can't sleep. It's not usually a problem for him, especially with with EXO's perpetually busy schedule tiring him out, but the nap earlier doesn't help, and he's got a lot on his mind tonight. Maybe it's a weird girl body thing, making him worry more, or maybe it's just that him being in a girl body at all is a lot to worry about. Whatever the reason, sleep is elusive, and finally he gives up and goes to the kitchen to get a drink.
He doesn't expect anyone else to still be awake, since the members who aren't currently girls had a busier day than him, but the light is on in the kitchen and Junmyeon is sitting at the table, leaning back in his chair and staring into space. Lu Han almost goes right back into his bedroom because he doesn't want to deal with Junmyeon after the way he acted earlier, but it's too late. Junmyeon turns around and looks at him very briefly before dropping his eyes to Lu Han's feet. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Not really. You too?" Lu Han asks neutrally.
"Yeah." Junmyeon turns away completely, suddenly very interested in the refrigerator on the other side of the kitchen. It makes Lu Han uncomfortable again. He knows it's strange, him being a girl for no reason anyone can figure out. He doesn't need Junmyeon making him feel even more wrong by trying to ignore his existence.
Those thoughts spin around in his head as he gets a glass of water, and by the time he slumps into the chair across from Junmyeon, he's decided he's had enough of this. He's not going to let it go. "Have you been avoiding me?" he asks point blank.
"Avoiding you?" There's surprise in what he can see of Junmyeon's expression, but guilt too, which is answer enough.
"Yeah, avoiding me. Everyone else, either they're treating me like they always have or they're way too interested in my new body parts, but you've barely talked to me all day. You won't even look at me."
Junmyeon frowns down at the table and doesn't respond.
"Are you mad at me or something?" Lu Han pushes.
That gets Junmyeon to look up, his frown deepening. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"
"How should I know? Because me being like this is really inconvenient for the group?" He knows Junmyeon gets frustrated when the other members aren't as responsible as they should be and it causes problems for the group.
"It is, but...that's not your fault." Junmyeon laughs, just a little. "I know you of all people would never turn into a girl on purpose."
"Then what's up?"
Junmyeon's become very interested in his hands again, in case there was any question that he's avoiding looking at Lu Han. His answer is the kind of embarrassed mumble that would be expected from Jongin, not him. (Even Jongin, in all his awkwardness and creepy staring, looked Lu Han in the eye more today than Junmyeon has.) "Huh?" Lu Han asks, too tired to have patience for this.
Junmyeon sighs heavily, like this is causing him great pain, before he repeats more clearly, "You're hot."
"So?" Several other members have already told him that, so it's not a surprise, but it's not an answer either. Lu Han has seen Junmyeon interact with plenty of attractive women, and he's often embarrassing and occasionally embarrassed, but never shy or awkwardly quiet. If he's good with actual women, there's no reason for him to have a problem interacting with Lu Han, who's no different than he's ever been on the inside.
Junmyeon does look at him now, and his expression says Don't you get it? but Lu Han really doesn't. Finally, Junmyeon groans and covers his face with his hands. "You're hot and so exactly my type you have no idea, and every time I look at you I want to push you against the nearest wall and kiss you!" he bursts out, voice rising like he's forgotten it's the middle of the night.
Oh. Lu Han's mouth is hanging open and he wonders, inanely, if it's as bad a look for him now as it is when he's a guy. Probably, given that his face doesn't look all that different. Maybe it shouldn't be such a shock, but there's a difference between people like Baekhyun wanting to grope him just because the opportunity is there and proper, responsible Junmyeon wanting to kiss him.
"And that's why I'm avoiding you," Junmyeon concludes unnecessarily when Lu Han doesn't say anything.
"You weren't kidding about me being your type as a girl, huh?" Lu Han finds himself saying. Junmyeon uncovers his face to frown at Lu Han, like he can't understand his reaction. Lu Han doesn't really understand either, because now that the initial shock has worn off, Junmyeon kissing him doesn't sound so bad at all.
"I wasn't." Junmyeon opens his mouth to add something and then seems to think better of it, pressing his lips together.
"Would it..." Lu Han cocks his head, thinking. "Would it help if you did kiss me?"
Junmyeon's eyes go wide. "Would...what?!"
"I wouldn't mind." He's curious what it would feel like to kiss someone now, and the idea of kissing Junmyeon isn't so unappealing, even if he hasn't thought about it before. It wouldn't be Lu Han's first time kissing a guy, and Junmyeon would for all intents and purposes be kissing a girl, so it doesn't have to be a big deal.
"You...are you joking?" Junmyeon's still staring at him in disbelief.
"Not joking." Lu Han stands up and starts to walk around the table and Junmyeon abruptly gets to his feet, his chair scraping against the floor. Normally, Junmyeon is shorter than him, but as Lu Han gets closer, he realizes that they're about the same height now. Everything about Lu Han is smaller, except his hair and his chest, and suddenly, standing in front of Junmyeon, he feels a little unsure.
"You're really okay with this?" Junmyeon's voice is low and he's staring at Lu Han in an entirely different way from before.
"Just do it before I change my mind," Lu Han grumbles to cover up his nerves.
Junmyeon smiles, not his idol smile, but the real one that's soft and gentle and understanding, then closes the distance between them. His lips are soft, Lu Han thinks, but kissing isn't much different whether you're male or female. It's only a chaste peck anyway, and then Junmyeon pulls back with a question in his eyes, waiting.
Lu Han answers it by leaning in for another kiss, not so chaste, and Junmyeon doesn't hesitate to respond in kind. The mechanics of kissing are no different from what Lu Han's used to, lips and tongues and warm, wet mouths, but the way his body reacts is. The feeling of arousal that spikes between his legs reminds him all too clearly what parts he does and doesn't have right now.
If he's going to freak out, now's the time, but he doesn't. Whether it's the middle-of-the-night drowsiness keeping him from thinking too much or that he trusts Junmyeon enough to do this with him or just that he's horny enough not to care, Lu Han doesn't know, but he does know that he doesn't want to stop.
Junmyeon mentioned pushing Lu Han against a wall to kiss him, but where they're standing, it's easier for Lu Han to push him against the nearest wall with hands on Junmyeon's shoulders. Junmyeon gasps into the Lu Han's mouth and kisses harder, obviously not complaining. There's still a little space between their bodies, but then Lu Han closes it, and he shivers at the unfamiliar sensation when his chest presses against Junmyeon's.
"I didn't..." Junmyeon just barely pulls away, his lips brushing against the corner of Lu Han's mouth, his chin, his cheek as he talks. "We shouldn't..." He seems to be having trouble forming coherent sentences. Lu Han would be insulted if he wasn't. "This is...too fast. Isn't it?"
"Too fast" implies that this isn't just a one-time thing, that they could slowly work their way up to something more than just physical, and that might be grounds for a freakout. Lu Han tenses, holds his breath for one, two seconds, and sees Junmyeon's eyes turn serious. Then, just as Junmyeon opens his mouth to say something, Lu Han cuts him off with, "For all we know, I'll be back to normal tomorrow. Let's take advantage of it."
There's something he doesn't like in Junmyeon's eyes after that, something dark and maybe sad, but Lu Han's not prepared to deal with it, so he kisses Junmyeon again and his eyes close. It's easy to forget about that as they press against each other, Lu Han getting his leg between Junmyeon's and enjoying the way he automatically presses against it.
Lu Han's wearing his own clothes again, a shirt that fits too loose in some places and too tight in others and athletic shorts that are already hanging too low. The shorts slip further down as Junmyeon's hands find his hips. His fingers slip just inside the waistband, tentative, and Lu Han murmurs, "Go ahead." His voice startles him, even higher than it has been, breathy.
Junmyeon does as he's told, hooking his fingers in the waistband to pull the shorts down. They're loose enough around Lu Han's thighs that they fall right to the ground and he can kick them aside. He's not wearing any underwear, so that leaves him bare from the waist down. He almost laughs at the moment of "Where's my dick?" panic that comes with that, but then they're kissing again and Junmyeon's hands are warm on his skin, one resting on his hip and the other moving between his legs.
Yixing's earlier words pop into Lu Han's head, and he kind of wishes he had done some experimenting of his own because he has no idea what to expect now, how it'll feel to have Junmyeon touch him. He trusts Junmyeon to be nice about it, to be careful, but it's still scary because even if this is far from his first time, it is his first time like this.
Junmyeon's hand is sure and Lu Han's legs threaten to buckle at the first brush of his thumb. "You like that?" Junmyeon's voice is low and soft, sexier than Lu Han would've thought it could be. He doesn't need to answer, his body betraying his eagerness when he gasps and shudders as Junmyeon's thumb starts to rub circles between his legs, the rest of his fingers just barely touching Lu Han.
"More," Lu Han whines when Junmyeon keeps it slow, unhurried.
Junmyeon looks at him for a moment and then smirks, and it's a little sleazy, but considering what Junmyeon's doing to him, Lu Han can be forgiven for finding it hot. "Okay, let's do more." In spite of his words, Junmyeon moves his hand away entirely, but before Lu Han can object, he pulls him by the arm over to the couch. "Why don't you take your shirt off?" Junmyeon suggests. He's still fully dressed, but he's getting hard. Lu Han can see it through his thin pyjama pants.
Lu Han doesn't argue, pulling off his shirt and sitting on the couch. He's still confused by there being boobs attached to him, but he does like the way Junmyeon swallows hard as he stares at his chest. "You still sit like a guy," he comments, chuckling, but he doesn't seem to mind as he moves between Lu Han's spread legs.
He presses a few kisses to one breast and then the other before taking a nipple into his mouth, surprising a moan from Lu Han. It feels good to have Junmyeon sucking there, his tongue flicking out, and the throbbing between Lu Han's legs intensifies. He lets his head loll back as Junmyeon continues that for a while before repeating the process with the other nipple. By the time he's satisfied, Lu Han is impatient for more.
He doesn't have to ask, watching as Junmyeon drops to his knees between Lu Han's legs. It's not like he doesn't know what's coming, but it's still strange (and strangely arousing) to see Junmyeon press his mouth against Lu Han, the same licking and sucking as before having a much bigger effect there. Lu Han puts a hand over his mouth to muffle the gasps and moans that escape him as Junmyeon sets to work making him fall apart.
He doesn't have any basis for comparison in this, having only experienced it from Junmyeon's position, but he can say that it feels damn good to have Junmyeon's mouth on him, his hands pushing Lu Han's legs further apart as his tongue presses into him. He's slow but not too slow, thorough and patient, and Lu Han's so sensitive, shuddering under his touch. It's weird, sure, because he has girl parts and Junmyeon is eating him out, but he really can't be bothered to think about that right now.
It seems to go on forever, the feeling slowly building. "Is it good?" Junmyeon asks after a while, just barely lifting his head. Lu Han nods too eagerly and Junmyeon's laugh vibrates through Lu Han's body. "What do you want?"
"I don't know," Lu Han gasps out because Junmyeon goes right back to what he's doing without waiting for an answer. Everything feels good so far, but it's so unfamiliar and new that he doesn't have a clue what he wants, what will make it better. "Maybe...fingers?" The end of the word dissolves into a moan.
"I can do that." He curls a single finger into Lu Han, stroking him inside, and licks around it, and Lu Han gasps out a few curses in a mix of Mandarin and Korean. It won't take much more, and Junmyeon seems to know it, his mouth moving up as he presses a second finger in. He flicks his tongue out again and again, and sucks and moves his fingers until Lu Han is gasping for air, his thighs quivering.
It's just a little more, a little more, a little more, and then he's there, a shudder of pleasure running through his whole body, muscles contracting in ways that feel so foreign, but good too. Junmyeon doesn't stop touching him inside with his fingers and outside with his mouth, dragging out Lu Han's orgasm until he can barely breathe, right there on the line between amazing and too much. Finally, he groans, "Stop."
Junmyeon pulls away slowly and grins at Lu Han, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Good?" he asks. He's smiling, but there's something a little uncertain about the question, something hopeful.
Lu Han smiles back at him. "I can see one advantage to this girl thing." His body is still buzzing, and he realizes with a thrill that they're not done yet.
Junmyeon's smile widens with relief and he gets up and onto the couch to kiss Lu Han. He tastes like woman, which is confusing if Lu Han thinks about it too much, so he doesn't, just kisses back hungrily and pulls Junmyeon closer so he can do something about all the clothes he's still wearing. Junmyeon obliges when Lu Han tugs his shirt up, quickly stripping it off, and then moans when Lu Han presses a hand against the visible tent in his pants.
"Is it...?" Junmyeon asks, Lu Han barely giving him time to get words out between kisses. "Can I...?"
"Yes," Lu Han answers right away. It doesn't hit him until a moment later, the full implication of what he's agreeing to, but he doesn't want to take it back. "We need a condom."
Junmyeon's eyes are dark, distracted, and it takes him a second to process what Lu Han's saying. "Yeah. I'll...I'll be back." He pulls away with obvious reluctance and heads down the hall.
Alone on the couch, it starts to sink in through the buzz of arousal that he's having sex with Junmyeon, that he's got female parts and he's having sex with Kim Junmyeon, his friend and bandmate, who he's never considered having sex with before. It's not bad, exactly, but it's a lot to take in, and he swallows down the mix of fear and confusion and uncertainty that thinking about it raises.
Thankfully, Junmyeon returns quickly, taking off his pants and underwear before sitting on the couch next to Lu Han. (Dimly, Lu Han wonders how the other members would react if they knew this was happening on the couch they all sit on.) He puts a hand on Lu Han's arm, but nothing more yet. "I want to say first that you don't have to do this. I do want to, but if it's too much..."
Lu Han doesn't respond immediately this time. Junmyeon is looking at him, earnest and sincere even though he's hard as a rock and clutching a condom packet in his fist, and no matter what confusing things Lu Han is feeling, he knows he wants this. Junmyeon waits patiently until Lu Han says, "It's not too much. I want to."
In other circumstances, he might laugh at the relief on Junmyeon's face. As it is, he just takes the condom packet from him and opens it, tossing the wrapper aside and rolling it onto Junmyeon with hands that aren't quite steady. Junmyeon's breath catches at the touch of his fingers, and when the condom's all the way on, Lu Han strokes him once to hear him draw in another sharp breath.
"How should we do this?" Junmyeon asks in almost a whisper, like he's afraid of breaking the moment if he talks too loud. Lu Han considers for a second before putting his hands on Junmyeon's chest and pushing him back against the arm of the couch. Junmyeon goes willingly, leaning back and watching as Lu Han climbs over his legs. It's a little too much to take, Junmyeon's practically enraptured gaze fixed on him, but Lu Han can't look away.
He moves forward until he's straddling Junmyeon's hips, then slowly lowers himself. Junmyeon reaches down to guide his cock into Lu Han, the other hand resting on his hip. Lu Han doesn't know the logistics when a guy who's had sex before suddenly turns into a woman, but it only hurts a bit for a few seconds as Junmyeon pushes into him and his body adjusts and then it's fine.
He starts to move, hesitant at first and then faster as he gets the hang of it. Junmyeon lets him set the pace, lying still with his hand just resting on Lu Han's hip. "Is it okay?" he asks after a while, and Lu Han nods.
It is okay, even though it's weird if he thinks too hard about it. Junmyeon's cock is pressing in deeper than his fingers did before, stretching him and setting already sensitive nerves tingling. He likes the effect it's having on Junmyeon too, his eyes half lidded and his chest hitching in rhythm with Lu Han's rocking.
Lu Han speeds up after a while, wanting more. He's got one hand on the back of the couch for balance, but the other finds its way between his legs, rubbing curiously. It does feel good, he finds, and his movements falter briefly. Junmyeon looks up at him and his lips curl into a hungry sort of smile that makes Lu Han self-conscious. He starts to pull his hand away, but Junmyeon says, "Don't stop if you like it."
"Don't make that face," Lu Han mutters, but he goes back to touching himself. Junmyeon starts to move when Lu Han slows down, hips jerking up to meet him. It's a little messy and uncoordinated, but Lu Han's body is thrumming, so good but still eager for more. He's trying to be quiet because this is not a position he wants anyone to find them in, but little noises escape anyway, gasps and choked moans.
"You're so beautiful like this," Junmyeon murmurs. He sits up, suddenly so close, and Lu Han feels his face flush. "I'm sorry, I know you don't—" He breaks off to draw in a sharp breath as Lu Han's body tightens around him. "But you're so beautiful when you're falling apart."
Junmyeon is beautiful too, Lu Han thinks, even with his hair frizzed out from sweat and his features slack with want, but he doesn't say anything, only presses a breathless kiss to Junmyeon's lips as he continues to rock against him.
Lu Han's running out of steam, so after a while, Junmyeon guides him onto his back, pushing his legs up and out and thrusting into him again. It's good like this too, Junmyeon setting a steady pace, pushing in deep at a new angle. Lu Han's close to coming again and he squeezes his eyes shut, one hand pushing into his too-long hair. "Please," he whimpers, not caring that he sounds so desperate because he doesn't even recognize it as his own voice.
Junmyeon speeds up in response, and Lu Han's second orgasm hits him with surprising suddenness. He writhes around on the couch as Junmyeon fucks him through it, lost in the unfamiliar, overwhelming pleasure. Then Junmyeon abruptly pulls out and Lu Han opens his eyes to watch as he comes too, stroking himself as his face crumples into a blissed-out expression.
For a long few seconds, they both stay still, breathing hard, and then Junmyeon shakily gets to his feet and goes to throw away the condom. He smiles at Lu Han when he comes back to the couch, tired and a little unsure, but happy. "What do you say?" he asks lightly. "Now that you've experienced sex from both sides, what's better?"
"It's...different." Lu Han's too worn out to try to figure this out now. He's too tired for anything complicated, so he just sits up and kisses Junmyeon. It's different from before, gentle, and maybe that could be complicated, but he's also too tired to care.
Junmyeon kisses back for a while before he reluctantly pulls away. "We should try to get some sleep. It's late."
Lu Han doesn't really want to sleep because he's afraid of what tomorrow will bring, but his eyelids are drooping, so he lets Junmyeon drag him to the shower. They wash up quickly and get dressed, and then Junmyeon kisses him one more time before smiling a strange, almost sad-looking smile as he says, "Goodnight."
* * *
Lu Han wakes up not enough hours later in the same body he went to sleep in, so apparently sex wasn't the magical solution to his girl problem. He groans and pulls the covers over his head because he's tired and he's still got girl parts and he's not prepared to deal with the fact that he had sex with Junmyeon last night, or with anything else.
"Hyung, are you awake?" Chanyeol's voice cuts off his impending freakout.
"No," Lu Han says in his stupid high voice.
"Does that mean you're still a girl?" Chanyeol asks.
Lu Han just grunts in response, but it's a weird, feminine grunt, which should be answer enough.
"Sorry, you need to get up," Chanyeol tells him. "The managers are having a panic party in the kitchen and they want to see you."
That makes Lu Han want to get out of bed even less, but if it's about work, he has no choice but to deal with it. He reluctantly emerges from his hiding place, grabbing his sweatshirt again so he can be more covered up before following Chanyeol out to the kitchen.
Most of the members are busy getting ready for the day or still rolling out of bed, but Junmyeon is sitting at the table with three managers. He flashes Lu Han a concerned and somewhat apologetic look, though what he's concerned and apologetic about, Lu Han can't say. He sits down at the table and waits, feeling like a prisoner about to be sentenced.
"Since we still have no idea why you're like this or how long it'll last or what we can do to make it go away, we're going to have to act under the assumption that you'll be out of commission for at least the next few days," the head manager tells him. "We've changed the next few group appearances to EXO-K only, but that won't fly in China, so..." He grimaces rather pathetically. "If you could not be like this for much longer, that'd be a big help."
Like I want to be like this, Lu Han thinks, annoyed, but he keeps his mouth shut.
"We'll try to come up with a cover story in case you're out longer, but I hope we won't need it. For now, I'm sorry about this, but I think it's best for you to just stay here. The risk of you being spotted if you go out is too big. We'll keep you up to date on anything new, but if you're going to practice, it's safer to do it here. Do not under any circumstances go out or let anyone see you, and if you can help it, don't let anyone outside know, even your family. Understood?"
"Understood," Lu Han says, drooping in his chair. He feels guilty, even though he didn't choose this, and he's dreading the long days home alone with nothing to do. He's always hated doing nothing, and it's even worse to be doing nothing knowing that the rest of the group is working hard without him. On top of that, it'll give him a lot more time to think, which is the last thing he needs.
"If there's anything that can be done," the manager adds as an afterthought, "we'll figure it out, but...well, if this is something that has happened to anyone before, I sure haven't heard of it."
The managers get to their feet, leaving Lu Han and Junmyeon at the table. "Are you going to be okay?" Junmyeon asks when they're gone. "Staying here alone." He'll look at Lu Han now, so that's something, even if it reminds Lu Han uncomfortably of the way he looked at him the night before, entranced.
"I don't have a choice, do I?" Lu Han mutters.
"I'm sure it'll just be for a little while," Junmyeon assures him with confidence that's probably false. "You changed out of the blue, so we just have to wait for you to change back the same way. Until then, try to enjoy the break."
"Sure," Lu Han agrees without conviction.
It's way too quiet in the dorm after the others leave, so Lu Han goes back to bed and manages to sleep for a few more hours. Then he takes a shower, and this time he does take Yixing's advice. Touching himself feels good, but not as good as what he did with Junmyeon, and that's just another thing he doesn't want to think about because it's way too complicated.
The hours crawl by slowly, but somehow they pass. He watches TV, drinks too many cups of coffee, eats more food than he probably should if he's not dancing for hours, posts on Weibo and goes around looking at comments until he finds some wondering why he wasn't spotted going to the SM building with the other members today or yesterday and quickly closes the window before he can see how the fans are explaining his absence.
He's very relieved when the other M members come back to the dorm that evening, though he also feels guilty because the reason that they're back is that the K members are going on TV without them. Zitao goes to take some selcas, Yixing falls asleep on the couch, and Jongdae pats Lu Han sympathetically on the back before closing himself in a bedroom to call his parents.
The leaves Lu Han with Minseok, who sits on the arm of the couch. "How incredibly bored were you being here all day?"
"So bored." Lu Han keeps his voice down, but Yixing's unlikely to wake up unless he screams.
"It sounds nice to have a break, but in practice, it's probably weird, huh?"
Lu Han nods. "I didn't ask to be like this, but I still feel guilty, you know? And I..." He frowns. "I've got a lot on my mind that I don't want to sit around and think about."
Minseok gives him a measuring look. "Anything you want to talk about?" he asks lightly, the kind of question that's easily brushed off if Lu Han wants to keep things to himself.
He can usually talk to Minseok about anything, but there's not much to say about the whole girl thing except that it sucks and he doesn't get it, and he's not sure he's ready to admit to anyone what happened with Junmyeon. Minseok won't judge him, though, probably, and he's been treating Lu Han no differently from usual, so it should be okay to tell him.
He's still not so sure about saying anything, but he's tired of dwelling on this alone, so he blurts out, "I had sex with Junmyeon."
Minseok looks at him. Blinks. Frowns the tiniest bit. "Say something," Lu Han whines.
"That's...new, right? You would've told me if there was something going on before." Minseok pulls a face. "Whether I wanted to know or not."
"Yeah, it's new." Being attracted to men, not so much, but Junmyeon is a new and unexpected development. "He said I was his type and he wanted to kiss me, and then he did kiss me, and then...it seemed like a waste not to try, but it's also...it's not because of that, it couldn't just be anyone, you know...and it was good, but now, I don't know what to do."
Minseok considers before asking, "Is it the kind of thing you want to happen again?"
"Yes? Maybe? It felt good."
"Just because of that?"
"No?" It felt more than good, and it was comfortable too, in a way it wouldn't have been if he'd just been having sex with whoever to test out this body. It didn't feel like just messing around, but that makes it all a lot more complicated. He doesn't know what that means, when he has no intention of staying like this. "I think...I don't know, it seemed kind of...feelings, you know, like he wanted...something, I guess, slow and...more, and maybe I could...kind of...you know?"
"Not really," Minseok says dryly. Lu Han can't blame him; even he's not sure what he's trying to say.
"It's...it seemed like a thing, like it wasn't just because there was a hot girl available, but if—I mean when I change back, what if he doesn't...?"
That Minseok has to get. He thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs. "Why not just enjoy it while it lasts? This thing kind of sucks, right? So you should at least take advantage of the good parts. And when you change back, you can worry about the future then."
"But what if it makes things awkward?" Lu Han asks. What if I get too attached and then he doesn't want me as a guy? he thinks.
"You're a big boy," Minseok tells him. "So is Junmyeon. However it turns out, you can deal with it."
"I guess you're right," Lu Han says uncertainly. Even if he's not, they've already crossed a line. It's not likely to make things significantly more awkward if he has sex with Junmyeon a few times versus just once.
"And then you can report back about how sex is as a woman compared to as a man," Yixing pipes up sleepily and Lu Han jumps.
"Were you listening this whole time?" he asks accusingly.
"Long enough." And least Yixing has the grace to look sheepish about eavesdropping. "But I agree with Minseok-hyung. At this point, you might as well go for it."
Lu Han nods. "But don't go thinking I'm going to tell you all about it. And do you even really want to know about Junmyeon's sex life?"
Minseok and Yixing both laugh at that, and Lu Han is relieved that even if everything has been turned upside down, at least this much is still normal.
The K members get back late and they all look ready to fall into bed, but Lu Han lurks out in the living room, waiting to see if he can catch Junmyeon alone. He doesn't know what he'll say or how Junmyeon will respond, but he wants to get this over with before he loses his nerve.
Finally, when most of the other members have retreated to their rooms, Junmyeon comes over and asks, "What are you doing out here?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
Junmyeon looks surprised by that response, but he says, "Okay," and sits down on the couch next to Lu Han. "What's up?"
"About last night." Junmyeon meets his eyes steadily, but Lu Han thinks he sees some color on his cheeks. "It was good, right?"
Junmyeon's smile is soft, a little amused. "Yeah, it was good."
"And I was thinking...hopefully I won't be like this for much longer, but for now, if you want, maybe we can...?"
"Have sex again?" Junmyeon supplies.
Lu Han rolls his eyes at Junmyeon's teasing tone. "Yes, we can have sex again."
In spite of his mocking, the flush on Junmyeon's cheeks has darkened. "If you're interested, yeah, I'd like that." Lu Han nods, and Junmyeon's expression twists into that sleazy smirk that really shouldn't be sexy. "I don't know about you, but I still need a shower..."
Junmyeon fucks him against the shower wall, and when that's done, he gets Lu Han off a second time with his fingers because "you've got to take advantage of this multiple orgasms thing while you can, right?" Lu Han's legs feel like jelly after, but Junmyeon wraps an arm around his waist and smiles before kissing him softly. When Lu Han goes to bed after that, he has no trouble falling asleep.
* * *
Lu Han is decidedly not happy to wake up female again the next day. He stomps out the kitchen looking murderous, and after he snaps at Chanyeol for making a (probably inevitable) joke about PMS, Junmyeon drags him to the bathroom and locks the door behind them. "I'd appreciate it if you don't kill anyone," he says, teasing but sympathetic. "We don't need to be down another member."
"What if they really deserve it?" Lu Han asks grumpily, but Junmyeon just smiles.
"I can't help with the girl thing, but I think I know how to make your morning a little better..." He tugs Lu Han's shorts down and hoists him onto the sink, then proceeds to eat him out until Lu Han has to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming as he comes. He has to admit, as he pulls Junmyeon up to kiss him when he's done, that it definitely did put him in a better mood.
Lu Han spends the whole day in the dorms, most of it alone. He hates it, plagued by boredom and guilt and fear that if he doesn't go back to normal soon, SM will decide to cut their losses and get rid of him. It doesn't matter how popular he is because he can't very well be in a boyband when he's not a boy. Besides, he suspects most of his fans wouldn't feel the same about him if he's like this.
The only good thing about the situation, besides being able to make up some of his ridiculous sleep debt, is Junmyeon. By the evening of the third day, all the members have realized what's going on, which is embarrassing as hell to Lu Han but means that they're left alone to have sex on an actual bed without worrying about getting caught. Junmyeon takes it slow enough to drive Lu Han crazy that night, but it's worth it in the end when he comes for what feels like forever. It's strange, still, to be sleeping with Junmyeon, but it's comfortable and he makes Lu Han feel good, so he's not going to overthink it.
The fourth day passes in much the same way, and the fourth night sees Lu Han on his bed with Junmyeon's face between his legs. He's teasing again, all slow licks and not enough contact, and even when Lu Han tries to egg him on, he continues like that. Lu Han's cursing him under his breath by the time he gets close, but Junmyeon knows what he's doing because Lu Han comes so hard he forgets everything and moans with abandon.
Someone bangs on the wall and Zitao yells "I didn't need to hear that!" from the next room over.
Junmyeon looks a little sheepish when he lifts his head, but mostly like he's trying not to laugh. He gives in after only a few seconds, and Lu Han has to laugh too. They laugh good and hard, and Lu Han looks up at Junmyeon, smiling widely while his eyes twinkle with mirth. His heart squeezes, and suddenly he doesn't feel like laughing anymore.
"What?" Junmyeon asks when he notices that Lu Han's gone quiet.
"Nothing," Lu Han says quickly, because he can't admit the truth, which is that he thinks this is turning serious more quickly than he expected. Will he really be able to just shrug it off if it comes to an end as soon as he turns back?
The way Junmyeon looks at him, Lu Han's afraid he knows, but he only smiles more softly and says, "I guess we should let everyone sleep."
They get dressed, and Junmyeon gives Lu Han a quick kiss before heading to his own room to sleep. Lu Han pulls the covers over his head so he doesn't have to deal with his roommates' teasing when they come in and tries not to think about how he felt seeing Junmyeon's smile, or about how as much as he hates being like this, there's a part of him that doesn't want to change back so he can keep Junmyeon for a little while longer.
* * *
On the fifth day since he turned into a girl, Lu Han wakes up to the sound of someone else's alarm. For a second, he's just vaguely annoyed to be awake, but then he realizes that something feels different. A hand on his chest confirms that it's flat again, and moving that hand between his legs confirms that all the parts he's used to having are there. "No way!" he yelps. His voice is back to its usual register too.
"What's going on?" asks a groggy Jongdae.
"I'm a man!" Lu Han yells, more excited than he's ever been this soon after waking up.
"Yeah, yeah, we get it, you're a real man," Jongdae grumbles. Then, as he wakes up fully, "Wait, you mean you're back to normal?"
"Yes!" Lu Han gets out of bed and takes a look down his shirt and then his pants just to be sure, but everything is as it should be. "About damn time."
"Good to have you back, hyung," Jongdae says with a laugh before Lu Han runs out the door to tell everyone the good news.
The manager waiting out in the living room looks ready to hug Lu Han when he sees him, and really, Lu Han is ready to hug anyone who comes near him too. He's so happy to be back in his own familiar body, and so relieved to not have to worry anymore about not being able to do his job and letting the group down. It's going to mean working extra hard to make up for what he missed, but he's too happy to care at this point.
Sure enough, he barely has time to get dressed before he's being dragged off to the SM building to work on the songs he was supposed to learn the day he turned into a girl. He joins the rest of EXO later to work on their new choreography, doing his best not to slow everyone down even though they've been practicing without him.
He's so focused on the task at hand that he doesn't even notice until Jongdae forces him to take a water break that Junmyeon hasn't spoken to him all day. He's on the other side of the room with his back to Lu Han, talking to Chanyeol. Lu Han tells himself he's being paranoid, but as the day wears on, it becomes more obvious that Junmyeon is avoiding being anywhere near him unless the choreography demands it, and that he'll barely even look at Lu Han, let alone speak to him.
It hurts, even though he tries to convince himself it doesn't. Junmyeon is his friend, and for the past few days he's felt like a little more, and to go from that to being completely ignored is hard to take. He'd resigned himself to going back to being just friends, but he wasn't prepared for this full-on silent treatment. There's too much else going on for him to dwell on it, but it lurks in the back of his mind, preventing him from being completely happy about being back to work.
There's no chance to talk to Junmyeon without an audience all day, but finally Lu Han manages to corner him when they get back to the dorm (at 2 a.m., but it could be worse). "So, you're avoiding me again?" he asks without preamble.
Junmyeon's too tired to catch himself before the guilt flashes over his face. "Sorry," he says, eyes firmly fixed on the floor.
"Look," Lu Han says flatly, "if you're not interested in me anymore now that I'm a guy again, just say so and I'll get over it. This is stupid. We can't avoid each other and we shouldn't have to. We're friends, aren't we?"
"It's not what you think," Junmyeon mumbles, still refusing to look up.
"Then tell me what it is," Lu Han demands. He's in no mood to be diplomatic, tired and frustrated as he realizes that if Junmyeon is no longer interested in him, that really is going to take some getting over.
Junmyeon finally lifts his head and meets Lu Han's eyes with a resigned determination. "You look almost the same. I know you hate people telling you that, but you're so pretty even as a man that I don't think I care if you have boobs or the rest. I still want to kiss you like I did before."
Oh. Lu Han had hoped, maybe, that Junmyeon would feel that way once he turned back, but he hadn't truly believed it would happen. "What are you saying?" he asks warily.
"I'm saying I still want you. Girl or guy, apparently you're my type."
"And that's a problem?" Junmyeon is not, as far as Lu Han knows, interested in men, but there can be exceptions, if he's willing to make them.
"I've just never..." Junmyeon frowns. "Are you still interested?"
"Why do you think I said I'd have to get over it?" Lu Han shoots back at him. "I didn't...it was fine, you know, being friends before. I didn't think about being anything else, but now I've thought about it and I am. Interested."
"So then, you'd want to...?" Junmyeon asks hesitantly, like he's not entirely sure he dares put it into words.
"Do you?" Lu Han frowns, still trying to figure out what Junmyeon thinks about all this. "Don't mess around with me. Before, when I was...you know, fine, but if we're going to continue, I don't want it to just be..."
There's silence as Junmyeon considers, looking thoughtfully at Lu Han, who stares right back at him, defiant. He's uncomfortable, but he's too stubborn to let Junmyeon see that now. Finally, Junmyeon says, "I wouldn't mess around with you. Even before, I think...I had a feeling what I was getting into and I did it anyway. And I don't regret it."
It feels strange, honestly, because it's all so sudden and because it's Junmyeon, and it's complicated in a lot of ways because of what they do and how they live, but none of that stops the surge of happiness Lu Han feels at Junmyeon's words and the hesitant smile that follows them. Lu Han smiles back and says, "Good. Me neither. But just so we're clear, I'm going to get mad if you keep calling me pretty."
Junmyeon laughs loudly at that before he catches himself, remembering that it's the middle of the night. "Got it," he says, still grinning. "Can I call you hot?"
Lu Han pretends to consider. "Hot is okay."
"Good, because you are hot." Junmyeon steps closer, and his smirk is still a little sleazy, but Lu Han finds he still doesn't really mind, especially when Junmyeon leans in to kiss him. It gets heated fast, and when Lu Han pulls Junmyeon in by his hips after a while, he can feel him getting hard.
"You think we can be quiet enough not to wake anyone up?" Lu Han murmurs.
Junmyeon has to look up at him now, and he looks rather pretty too with his cheeks flushed and his eyes dark. "I don't...I mean, with a guy..."
"I can teach you." Lu Han grins as he adds, "And then once I've done it both ways with you, maybe I can finally answer everyone's questions about if it's better as a guy or a girl."
"Don't you dare," Junmyeon snaps, but he's smiling too as he leads Lu Han over to the couch.
Pairing: Lu Han/Junmyeon
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10,409 words
Warnings: unexplained temporary genderswitch, handwaving about EXO's dorm situation, hetsex?
Summary: Junmyeon wasn't kidding that Lu Han is his ideal girl.
Notes: This happened and I asked, "Has anyone written the obligatory fic where Lu Han suddenly turns into a girl and Junmyeon is Very Troubled?" And if it does exist, no one told me, so of course I had to write it myself. And because I wrote it myself, it's the mostly-serious, non-cracky kind of genderswitch.
The morning Lu Han wakes up as a girl, he's pulled out of his more or less peaceful slumber by an ear-piercing shriek courtesy of Zitao. He's not at all happy about that, but he also can't fault Zitao given that he went to sleep without a shirt on and there don't tend to be shirtless women with ample breasts in EXO's dorm first thing in the morning. Besides, once Lu Han registers the situation, he feels like screaming himself.
On the one hand, boobs. Those are intriguing. He can't say he's not a fan of them, though normally on other people. On the other hand, he's spent his entire life reminding people that he's not a girl and now it seems he is. And, crisis of masculinity aside, he has work to do and he thinks the fans will probably have a few questions about who this girl suddenly standing in Lu Han's place is, and also how the hell is he suddenly a girl?!
Sehun, Yixing, Baekhyun and Jongdae join a babbling Zitao standing by his bed before Junmyeon comes running in. Lu Han is still sitting on his bed in shock, and after staring at Lu Han with wide eyes for a good ten seconds, Junmyeon says, in a voice gone high with restrained panic, "Maybe you should put on a shirt!"
Lu Han looks down at his chest and thinks, Oh, right, dazed. He stands up, causing Junmyeon to jump back and Baekhyun to take a step closer ("Damn, those are the real thing!") Lu Han quickly pushes past the others to get to his clothes, self-conscious now that he's stopped to think about it. The first t-shirt he grabs turns out to be unpleasantly tight, so he tugs it off immediately, ignoring the comments from the other members behind him. He pulls on a big sweatshirt instead and returns to his bed.
By now, all of EXO plus one very unhappy manager have gathered in the room, and at least half of them are staring at Lu Han in a "Whoa, a hot girl" kind of way, even though the sweatshirt hangs loose everywhere and his suddenly longer hair is an uncombed mess. Lu Han is torn between preening and feeling uncomfortable, because he's used to people finding him attractive, but not looking like this. He doesn't know how to feel about being an attractive girl when he neither wants to be nor should be a girl at all.
The others seem to still be in shock, or just incredibly confused. "You are Lu Han, right?" Minseok asks slowly, frowning. "You look almost the same, but...not." He gestures at his own face, which Lu Han assumes means his hasn't changed much.
"Who else—?" Lu Han starts to say but breaks off, startled, when the words come out not in his own familiar voice, but in a higher-pitched feminine voice. "Who else would I be?"
He doesn't wait for an answer before getting up again and going to the mirror on the wall, getting his first look at his female face. Minseok's right that he doesn't look that different. More delicate, somehow, the lines of his jaw softer, his Adam's apple smoothed away. His hair is longer, and when he combs his fingers through it, it falls around his face, softening it further. It's eerie, seeing this face that's almost his but not quite looking back at him, making whatever expression he tries to make.
Looking down is even stranger because his body has never been particularly feminine. His shoulders are narrower, his strong legs thinned out, everything smaller except in the vicinity of his chest. It's hard to believe it's really him, even when he moves and the clearly female body he's looking at moves too.
It's too weird, so he turns back to the others, who are talking among themselves but still mostly staring at him. Their manager gives him the kind of "Please give me a break" look usually reserved for dating scandals and food fights, as if Lu Han is doing this on purpose, before saying, "Everybody get out and get ready to go. We leave for practice in an hour."
It takes some pushing on the part of the more responsible members, but everyone clears out eventually. "What about me?" Lu Han asks the manager, wincing at his voice. It would be a perfectly fine voice for an actual woman, but as his voice, it's really not okay, just like him waking up in the wrong body is really not okay.
"You..." The manager frowns and looks him up and down, not in a "you're hot" kind of way but in the way that ends in hair changes or demands to diet or worse. He's probably thinking of the fans who'll be waiting outside their dorm and the SM building to take pictures and wonder who this Lu Han lookalike woman going to practice with EXO is. "We need you at practice, but we'll have to sneak you in separately. Get you something different to wear so you look more...normal."
Lu Han looks down at his clothes, an ordinary sweatshirt and the shorts he went to sleep in. They seem normal enough, but knowing his fans, they'll recognize the sweatshirt as something he's worn before, and the conclusions they're likely to draw from that aren't something he wants to deal with.
That's how Lu Han finds himself making his way to the SM building in a separate car an hour later, dressed in actual women's clothing from his sweats down to the sports bra the female stylists insisted he should wear if he was going to be dancing, laughing when he asked how the hell anyone could dance wearing something so constricting. It's nice to be wearing pants that aren't falling off and to not have his boobs(?!) bouncing around, but he feels even less like himself now that he really looks the part.
To the other EXO members' credit, they're focused enough on their dancing that they don't stop when Lu Han walks in the door. On the other hand, the second the song ends, there are suddenly way too many eyes staring at him. "You clean up nice," Baekhyun teases, laughing when Lu Han hits him. He's glad for the comment, though, because it breaks the ice, reminding everyone that he's still Lu Han, even if he's very inexplicably Lu Han in a woman's body.
"Hurry up and stretch, Lu Han," the choreographer tells him before turning to give the other members comments. Lu Han can stretch in his sleep, but he's caught off guard by the differences in his body. He's still in the same shape, maybe a little less strong and a little more flexible, but close enough, but the familiar stretches feel different, and he catches a few eyes on him as he bends down to touch the ground.
Dancing feels different too, and that's more frustrating. His step size is wrong and his balance is different and there's less power in his arms and legs. His ponytail smacks him in the face when he turns too fast and his chest occupies more space than it should, which is especially awkward when the choreography calls for him to run a hand down his chest and stomach in a move that looks a lot less sketchy on a guy.
Lu Han's usually quite patient when it comes to practicing, but like this, it doesn't take long for him to get fed up. Everything feels wrong, and he's angry with himself for being the one to make them do the same moves over and over when he hardly ever is. It seems pointless anyway, because even if no one seems to want to talk about it, he's obviously not going to be able to perform like this.
By the time they take a break, he's ready to throw a tantrum, which is also out of character, flopping to the ground in a disgruntled heap. He's not sure if he wants to complain to someone or for everyone to fuck off, but regardless, Yixing comes over to sit next to him, offering him a water bottle. "It must be hard, doing all the usual moves like that."
Lu Han grunts in agreement, and even that sounds weird.
"I remember when I had a growth spurt and I tried to dance like I did before and everything felt so off. It was really frustrating."
"I don't know why I need to practice anyway," Lu Han mutters. "I can't perform. There's no way people won't notice."
Yixing nods, acknowledging that. "But I'm sure you'll get better soon, and this way you'll be ready."
"Get better..." Lu Han laughs miserably, rubbing a hand over his face. "I have to get better from turning into a girl. What the fuck is going on?"
Yixing considers for a moment, then shrugs and smiles like it's nothing. "Try to enjoy it? Not everyone gets to experience something both sides like that." His smile widens, dimples flashing. "If you haven't changed back by tonight, you can have some fun, test things out." He gestures toward Lu Han's legs, in case his point isn't clear.
Trust Zhang Yixing to smile angelically while suggesting that he touch himself. "You're not offering to help, are you?" Lu Han asks warily.
He's relieved when Yixing immediately laughs. "You're a pretty girl, don't get me wrong, but you're not my type, and it would be almost...incestuous?"
A burst of laughter escapes Lu Han at that, and even though his laugh also sounds wrong, it feels good to laugh, dissipates some of his frustration. As long as Yixing is right that he'll "get better" soon, he can handle this for a little longer.
He starts to get the hang of dancing like this after a while, not enough to be at his usual level, but enough not to embarrass himself, at least. As he gets used to moving in this body, the other members also get more used to him. Some, particularly Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Zitao, keep asking him questions, ranging from "How does it feel?" to a completely shameless "Can I touch your boobs?" Others, like Minseok and Jongdae, treat him the same as usual, except maybe keeping a little more distance between them.
Not everyone reacts so well, even as the day wears on. Jongin keeps staring at him, which isn't unusual for Jongin, but his eyes are definitely not stuck on Lu Han's face. He gets incredibly flustered when Baekhyun calls him on it, but it doesn't stop him from staring again later. As they get ready to leave at the end of dance practice, Lu Han catches him and Sehun whispering and looking in his direction. He gives them a dirty look, but Jongin misses it and Sehun just shrugs apologetically before turning back to the conversation.
Jongin's behavior doesn't really surprise Lu Han, but Junmyeon's does. Their leader is usually right there in the middle of any problem, trying to fix it whether or not his help is needed or wanted, but he's hardly said a word to Lu Han since telling him to put on a shirt that morning. He's barely even looked at him, like he doesn't want to acknowledge Lu Han's existence. Maybe he's worried and trying not to dwell on the reason, but that's not like him, and it's hard not to feel uncomfortable about being ignored. Lu Han feels awkward enough without someone he can normally count on to be reasonable making him feel that much worse about all of this.
They shower after dance practice, and Lu Han remembers what Yixing said about enjoying this body, but he's still too weirded out to do more than take a better look at his (quite nice, in his opinion) breasts and give them a few experimental pokes. There's no time, anyway, and the last thing he wants to do is explain that he held everyone up because he really needed to experience masturbation as a girl.
They have a hurried lunch and a meeting and then split up for various solo activities and practices. Lu Han is supposed to be learning a new song in preparation for recording later in the week, but that's going to be more of a problem than dancing. He hasn't tried to sing yet, but considering that even his speaking voice is still throwing him, he doesn't think he wants to try.
"You can just...go over the lyrics and notes," is the only guidance he gets, a book of sheet music shoved into his hands. He finds an empty room and sits with the music, mouthing the words and humming the notes as softly as he can so the sound is hardly more than a rumbling in his throat. Like that, it doesn't feel too strange.
After an hour of that, a stressed-out manager takes him back to the dorm alone. "You really have no idea how this happened?" he asks, almost pleading.
"I had no idea until this morning that it even could happen," Lu Han mutters. "I still think I might be dreaming."
"If only." The manager heaves a put-upon sigh. "Take the rest of the day off. Stay inside and make sure nobody sees you. Let's just...hope this is a one-day deal." He doesn't sound optimistic. Lu Han tries very hard not to think about what will happen if he doesn't go back to normal by tomorrow.
It's weird being alone in the dorm. Although they have more solo activities recently, if Lu Han is free, there are usually at least a couple of members who are too, and he can drag them out to do something fun. He doesn't like to just sit home doing nothing, and he likes it even less alone, but he doesn't have much of a choice right now.
He tries to watch TV, but it's hard to focus. He stands up, jumps up and down, tries to do some exercises to tire himself out. He wishes he could go for a run, but he's not allowed to go out, and he thinks it would feel too weird to go running in this unfamiliar body anyway. With a sigh, he flops back down on the couch and watches some Hollywood movie with a lot of explosions until he dozes off.
He wakes up, unchanged, when Minseok and Zitao get back a few hours later. "No fair that you got to sleep while we were working," Zitao whines, but he shuts up when Minseok gives him a look. Zitao's always a brat to Lu Han, but Minseok can keep him in line a little better.
"I don't want to sleep," Lu Han grumbles. "I want to work or go out and do something."
"Not allowed?" Minseok asks, and Lu Han nods. "Do I need to make you coffee here, then?" He's probably joking, but when Lu Han turns a pathetic look on him, he smiles tolerantly and says, "I will, if you want."
He does, and Lu Han gratefully accepts the hot cup. Minseok and Zitao sit and drink with him, and Lu Han must look really pitiful because Zitao is nice to him even without Minseok making him. They talk about anything other than the fact that Lu Han has been a girl for a good ten hours with no idea how he got like this or how he can change back, and it doesn't quite let Lu Han forget, but at least he can avoid thinking about it for a while.
Chanyeol, Junmyeon, Jongdae, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo come back to the dorm about two hours later, accompanied by boxes of takeout food for a late dinner. Lu Han's grateful for the noisy distraction of the chatty beagle line, but that's counteracted by the way Junmyeon just barely glances in his direction for a second before mumbling some excuse and leaving the room.
"What's with him?" Zitao asks, but then the food is on the table and they're all too busy fighting over it for anyone to answer the question.
The remaining members come back another hour and a half later, looking like they've been practicing way too hard, as usual, and the dorm is packed and noisy enough to keep Lu Han's mind off everything else until it's time for bed.
He's hoping to fall asleep quickly and wake up back to his normal self in the morning, but the minutes tick by painfully slowly until it's almost 3 a.m. and he still can't sleep. It's not usually a problem for him, especially with with EXO's perpetually busy schedule tiring him out, but the nap earlier doesn't help, and he's got a lot on his mind tonight. Maybe it's a weird girl body thing, making him worry more, or maybe it's just that him being in a girl body at all is a lot to worry about. Whatever the reason, sleep is elusive, and finally he gives up and goes to the kitchen to get a drink.
He doesn't expect anyone else to still be awake, since the members who aren't currently girls had a busier day than him, but the light is on in the kitchen and Junmyeon is sitting at the table, leaning back in his chair and staring into space. Lu Han almost goes right back into his bedroom because he doesn't want to deal with Junmyeon after the way he acted earlier, but it's too late. Junmyeon turns around and looks at him very briefly before dropping his eyes to Lu Han's feet. "Couldn't sleep?"
"Not really. You too?" Lu Han asks neutrally.
"Yeah." Junmyeon turns away completely, suddenly very interested in the refrigerator on the other side of the kitchen. It makes Lu Han uncomfortable again. He knows it's strange, him being a girl for no reason anyone can figure out. He doesn't need Junmyeon making him feel even more wrong by trying to ignore his existence.
Those thoughts spin around in his head as he gets a glass of water, and by the time he slumps into the chair across from Junmyeon, he's decided he's had enough of this. He's not going to let it go. "Have you been avoiding me?" he asks point blank.
"Avoiding you?" There's surprise in what he can see of Junmyeon's expression, but guilt too, which is answer enough.
"Yeah, avoiding me. Everyone else, either they're treating me like they always have or they're way too interested in my new body parts, but you've barely talked to me all day. You won't even look at me."
Junmyeon frowns down at the table and doesn't respond.
"Are you mad at me or something?" Lu Han pushes.
That gets Junmyeon to look up, his frown deepening. "Mad? Why would I be mad?"
"How should I know? Because me being like this is really inconvenient for the group?" He knows Junmyeon gets frustrated when the other members aren't as responsible as they should be and it causes problems for the group.
"It is, but...that's not your fault." Junmyeon laughs, just a little. "I know you of all people would never turn into a girl on purpose."
"Then what's up?"
Junmyeon's become very interested in his hands again, in case there was any question that he's avoiding looking at Lu Han. His answer is the kind of embarrassed mumble that would be expected from Jongin, not him. (Even Jongin, in all his awkwardness and creepy staring, looked Lu Han in the eye more today than Junmyeon has.) "Huh?" Lu Han asks, too tired to have patience for this.
Junmyeon sighs heavily, like this is causing him great pain, before he repeats more clearly, "You're hot."
"So?" Several other members have already told him that, so it's not a surprise, but it's not an answer either. Lu Han has seen Junmyeon interact with plenty of attractive women, and he's often embarrassing and occasionally embarrassed, but never shy or awkwardly quiet. If he's good with actual women, there's no reason for him to have a problem interacting with Lu Han, who's no different than he's ever been on the inside.
Junmyeon does look at him now, and his expression says Don't you get it? but Lu Han really doesn't. Finally, Junmyeon groans and covers his face with his hands. "You're hot and so exactly my type you have no idea, and every time I look at you I want to push you against the nearest wall and kiss you!" he bursts out, voice rising like he's forgotten it's the middle of the night.
Oh. Lu Han's mouth is hanging open and he wonders, inanely, if it's as bad a look for him now as it is when he's a guy. Probably, given that his face doesn't look all that different. Maybe it shouldn't be such a shock, but there's a difference between people like Baekhyun wanting to grope him just because the opportunity is there and proper, responsible Junmyeon wanting to kiss him.
"And that's why I'm avoiding you," Junmyeon concludes unnecessarily when Lu Han doesn't say anything.
"You weren't kidding about me being your type as a girl, huh?" Lu Han finds himself saying. Junmyeon uncovers his face to frown at Lu Han, like he can't understand his reaction. Lu Han doesn't really understand either, because now that the initial shock has worn off, Junmyeon kissing him doesn't sound so bad at all.
"I wasn't." Junmyeon opens his mouth to add something and then seems to think better of it, pressing his lips together.
"Would it..." Lu Han cocks his head, thinking. "Would it help if you did kiss me?"
Junmyeon's eyes go wide. "Would...what?!"
"I wouldn't mind." He's curious what it would feel like to kiss someone now, and the idea of kissing Junmyeon isn't so unappealing, even if he hasn't thought about it before. It wouldn't be Lu Han's first time kissing a guy, and Junmyeon would for all intents and purposes be kissing a girl, so it doesn't have to be a big deal.
"You...are you joking?" Junmyeon's still staring at him in disbelief.
"Not joking." Lu Han stands up and starts to walk around the table and Junmyeon abruptly gets to his feet, his chair scraping against the floor. Normally, Junmyeon is shorter than him, but as Lu Han gets closer, he realizes that they're about the same height now. Everything about Lu Han is smaller, except his hair and his chest, and suddenly, standing in front of Junmyeon, he feels a little unsure.
"You're really okay with this?" Junmyeon's voice is low and he's staring at Lu Han in an entirely different way from before.
"Just do it before I change my mind," Lu Han grumbles to cover up his nerves.
Junmyeon smiles, not his idol smile, but the real one that's soft and gentle and understanding, then closes the distance between them. His lips are soft, Lu Han thinks, but kissing isn't much different whether you're male or female. It's only a chaste peck anyway, and then Junmyeon pulls back with a question in his eyes, waiting.
Lu Han answers it by leaning in for another kiss, not so chaste, and Junmyeon doesn't hesitate to respond in kind. The mechanics of kissing are no different from what Lu Han's used to, lips and tongues and warm, wet mouths, but the way his body reacts is. The feeling of arousal that spikes between his legs reminds him all too clearly what parts he does and doesn't have right now.
If he's going to freak out, now's the time, but he doesn't. Whether it's the middle-of-the-night drowsiness keeping him from thinking too much or that he trusts Junmyeon enough to do this with him or just that he's horny enough not to care, Lu Han doesn't know, but he does know that he doesn't want to stop.
Junmyeon mentioned pushing Lu Han against a wall to kiss him, but where they're standing, it's easier for Lu Han to push him against the nearest wall with hands on Junmyeon's shoulders. Junmyeon gasps into the Lu Han's mouth and kisses harder, obviously not complaining. There's still a little space between their bodies, but then Lu Han closes it, and he shivers at the unfamiliar sensation when his chest presses against Junmyeon's.
"I didn't..." Junmyeon just barely pulls away, his lips brushing against the corner of Lu Han's mouth, his chin, his cheek as he talks. "We shouldn't..." He seems to be having trouble forming coherent sentences. Lu Han would be insulted if he wasn't. "This is...too fast. Isn't it?"
"Too fast" implies that this isn't just a one-time thing, that they could slowly work their way up to something more than just physical, and that might be grounds for a freakout. Lu Han tenses, holds his breath for one, two seconds, and sees Junmyeon's eyes turn serious. Then, just as Junmyeon opens his mouth to say something, Lu Han cuts him off with, "For all we know, I'll be back to normal tomorrow. Let's take advantage of it."
There's something he doesn't like in Junmyeon's eyes after that, something dark and maybe sad, but Lu Han's not prepared to deal with it, so he kisses Junmyeon again and his eyes close. It's easy to forget about that as they press against each other, Lu Han getting his leg between Junmyeon's and enjoying the way he automatically presses against it.
Lu Han's wearing his own clothes again, a shirt that fits too loose in some places and too tight in others and athletic shorts that are already hanging too low. The shorts slip further down as Junmyeon's hands find his hips. His fingers slip just inside the waistband, tentative, and Lu Han murmurs, "Go ahead." His voice startles him, even higher than it has been, breathy.
Junmyeon does as he's told, hooking his fingers in the waistband to pull the shorts down. They're loose enough around Lu Han's thighs that they fall right to the ground and he can kick them aside. He's not wearing any underwear, so that leaves him bare from the waist down. He almost laughs at the moment of "Where's my dick?" panic that comes with that, but then they're kissing again and Junmyeon's hands are warm on his skin, one resting on his hip and the other moving between his legs.
Yixing's earlier words pop into Lu Han's head, and he kind of wishes he had done some experimenting of his own because he has no idea what to expect now, how it'll feel to have Junmyeon touch him. He trusts Junmyeon to be nice about it, to be careful, but it's still scary because even if this is far from his first time, it is his first time like this.
Junmyeon's hand is sure and Lu Han's legs threaten to buckle at the first brush of his thumb. "You like that?" Junmyeon's voice is low and soft, sexier than Lu Han would've thought it could be. He doesn't need to answer, his body betraying his eagerness when he gasps and shudders as Junmyeon's thumb starts to rub circles between his legs, the rest of his fingers just barely touching Lu Han.
"More," Lu Han whines when Junmyeon keeps it slow, unhurried.
Junmyeon looks at him for a moment and then smirks, and it's a little sleazy, but considering what Junmyeon's doing to him, Lu Han can be forgiven for finding it hot. "Okay, let's do more." In spite of his words, Junmyeon moves his hand away entirely, but before Lu Han can object, he pulls him by the arm over to the couch. "Why don't you take your shirt off?" Junmyeon suggests. He's still fully dressed, but he's getting hard. Lu Han can see it through his thin pyjama pants.
Lu Han doesn't argue, pulling off his shirt and sitting on the couch. He's still confused by there being boobs attached to him, but he does like the way Junmyeon swallows hard as he stares at his chest. "You still sit like a guy," he comments, chuckling, but he doesn't seem to mind as he moves between Lu Han's spread legs.
He presses a few kisses to one breast and then the other before taking a nipple into his mouth, surprising a moan from Lu Han. It feels good to have Junmyeon sucking there, his tongue flicking out, and the throbbing between Lu Han's legs intensifies. He lets his head loll back as Junmyeon continues that for a while before repeating the process with the other nipple. By the time he's satisfied, Lu Han is impatient for more.
He doesn't have to ask, watching as Junmyeon drops to his knees between Lu Han's legs. It's not like he doesn't know what's coming, but it's still strange (and strangely arousing) to see Junmyeon press his mouth against Lu Han, the same licking and sucking as before having a much bigger effect there. Lu Han puts a hand over his mouth to muffle the gasps and moans that escape him as Junmyeon sets to work making him fall apart.
He doesn't have any basis for comparison in this, having only experienced it from Junmyeon's position, but he can say that it feels damn good to have Junmyeon's mouth on him, his hands pushing Lu Han's legs further apart as his tongue presses into him. He's slow but not too slow, thorough and patient, and Lu Han's so sensitive, shuddering under his touch. It's weird, sure, because he has girl parts and Junmyeon is eating him out, but he really can't be bothered to think about that right now.
It seems to go on forever, the feeling slowly building. "Is it good?" Junmyeon asks after a while, just barely lifting his head. Lu Han nods too eagerly and Junmyeon's laugh vibrates through Lu Han's body. "What do you want?"
"I don't know," Lu Han gasps out because Junmyeon goes right back to what he's doing without waiting for an answer. Everything feels good so far, but it's so unfamiliar and new that he doesn't have a clue what he wants, what will make it better. "Maybe...fingers?" The end of the word dissolves into a moan.
"I can do that." He curls a single finger into Lu Han, stroking him inside, and licks around it, and Lu Han gasps out a few curses in a mix of Mandarin and Korean. It won't take much more, and Junmyeon seems to know it, his mouth moving up as he presses a second finger in. He flicks his tongue out again and again, and sucks and moves his fingers until Lu Han is gasping for air, his thighs quivering.
It's just a little more, a little more, a little more, and then he's there, a shudder of pleasure running through his whole body, muscles contracting in ways that feel so foreign, but good too. Junmyeon doesn't stop touching him inside with his fingers and outside with his mouth, dragging out Lu Han's orgasm until he can barely breathe, right there on the line between amazing and too much. Finally, he groans, "Stop."
Junmyeon pulls away slowly and grins at Lu Han, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Good?" he asks. He's smiling, but there's something a little uncertain about the question, something hopeful.
Lu Han smiles back at him. "I can see one advantage to this girl thing." His body is still buzzing, and he realizes with a thrill that they're not done yet.
Junmyeon's smile widens with relief and he gets up and onto the couch to kiss Lu Han. He tastes like woman, which is confusing if Lu Han thinks about it too much, so he doesn't, just kisses back hungrily and pulls Junmyeon closer so he can do something about all the clothes he's still wearing. Junmyeon obliges when Lu Han tugs his shirt up, quickly stripping it off, and then moans when Lu Han presses a hand against the visible tent in his pants.
"Is it...?" Junmyeon asks, Lu Han barely giving him time to get words out between kisses. "Can I...?"
"Yes," Lu Han answers right away. It doesn't hit him until a moment later, the full implication of what he's agreeing to, but he doesn't want to take it back. "We need a condom."
Junmyeon's eyes are dark, distracted, and it takes him a second to process what Lu Han's saying. "Yeah. I'll...I'll be back." He pulls away with obvious reluctance and heads down the hall.
Alone on the couch, it starts to sink in through the buzz of arousal that he's having sex with Junmyeon, that he's got female parts and he's having sex with Kim Junmyeon, his friend and bandmate, who he's never considered having sex with before. It's not bad, exactly, but it's a lot to take in, and he swallows down the mix of fear and confusion and uncertainty that thinking about it raises.
Thankfully, Junmyeon returns quickly, taking off his pants and underwear before sitting on the couch next to Lu Han. (Dimly, Lu Han wonders how the other members would react if they knew this was happening on the couch they all sit on.) He puts a hand on Lu Han's arm, but nothing more yet. "I want to say first that you don't have to do this. I do want to, but if it's too much..."
Lu Han doesn't respond immediately this time. Junmyeon is looking at him, earnest and sincere even though he's hard as a rock and clutching a condom packet in his fist, and no matter what confusing things Lu Han is feeling, he knows he wants this. Junmyeon waits patiently until Lu Han says, "It's not too much. I want to."
In other circumstances, he might laugh at the relief on Junmyeon's face. As it is, he just takes the condom packet from him and opens it, tossing the wrapper aside and rolling it onto Junmyeon with hands that aren't quite steady. Junmyeon's breath catches at the touch of his fingers, and when the condom's all the way on, Lu Han strokes him once to hear him draw in another sharp breath.
"How should we do this?" Junmyeon asks in almost a whisper, like he's afraid of breaking the moment if he talks too loud. Lu Han considers for a second before putting his hands on Junmyeon's chest and pushing him back against the arm of the couch. Junmyeon goes willingly, leaning back and watching as Lu Han climbs over his legs. It's a little too much to take, Junmyeon's practically enraptured gaze fixed on him, but Lu Han can't look away.
He moves forward until he's straddling Junmyeon's hips, then slowly lowers himself. Junmyeon reaches down to guide his cock into Lu Han, the other hand resting on his hip. Lu Han doesn't know the logistics when a guy who's had sex before suddenly turns into a woman, but it only hurts a bit for a few seconds as Junmyeon pushes into him and his body adjusts and then it's fine.
He starts to move, hesitant at first and then faster as he gets the hang of it. Junmyeon lets him set the pace, lying still with his hand just resting on Lu Han's hip. "Is it okay?" he asks after a while, and Lu Han nods.
It is okay, even though it's weird if he thinks too hard about it. Junmyeon's cock is pressing in deeper than his fingers did before, stretching him and setting already sensitive nerves tingling. He likes the effect it's having on Junmyeon too, his eyes half lidded and his chest hitching in rhythm with Lu Han's rocking.
Lu Han speeds up after a while, wanting more. He's got one hand on the back of the couch for balance, but the other finds its way between his legs, rubbing curiously. It does feel good, he finds, and his movements falter briefly. Junmyeon looks up at him and his lips curl into a hungry sort of smile that makes Lu Han self-conscious. He starts to pull his hand away, but Junmyeon says, "Don't stop if you like it."
"Don't make that face," Lu Han mutters, but he goes back to touching himself. Junmyeon starts to move when Lu Han slows down, hips jerking up to meet him. It's a little messy and uncoordinated, but Lu Han's body is thrumming, so good but still eager for more. He's trying to be quiet because this is not a position he wants anyone to find them in, but little noises escape anyway, gasps and choked moans.
"You're so beautiful like this," Junmyeon murmurs. He sits up, suddenly so close, and Lu Han feels his face flush. "I'm sorry, I know you don't—" He breaks off to draw in a sharp breath as Lu Han's body tightens around him. "But you're so beautiful when you're falling apart."
Junmyeon is beautiful too, Lu Han thinks, even with his hair frizzed out from sweat and his features slack with want, but he doesn't say anything, only presses a breathless kiss to Junmyeon's lips as he continues to rock against him.
Lu Han's running out of steam, so after a while, Junmyeon guides him onto his back, pushing his legs up and out and thrusting into him again. It's good like this too, Junmyeon setting a steady pace, pushing in deep at a new angle. Lu Han's close to coming again and he squeezes his eyes shut, one hand pushing into his too-long hair. "Please," he whimpers, not caring that he sounds so desperate because he doesn't even recognize it as his own voice.
Junmyeon speeds up in response, and Lu Han's second orgasm hits him with surprising suddenness. He writhes around on the couch as Junmyeon fucks him through it, lost in the unfamiliar, overwhelming pleasure. Then Junmyeon abruptly pulls out and Lu Han opens his eyes to watch as he comes too, stroking himself as his face crumples into a blissed-out expression.
For a long few seconds, they both stay still, breathing hard, and then Junmyeon shakily gets to his feet and goes to throw away the condom. He smiles at Lu Han when he comes back to the couch, tired and a little unsure, but happy. "What do you say?" he asks lightly. "Now that you've experienced sex from both sides, what's better?"
"It's...different." Lu Han's too worn out to try to figure this out now. He's too tired for anything complicated, so he just sits up and kisses Junmyeon. It's different from before, gentle, and maybe that could be complicated, but he's also too tired to care.
Junmyeon kisses back for a while before he reluctantly pulls away. "We should try to get some sleep. It's late."
Lu Han doesn't really want to sleep because he's afraid of what tomorrow will bring, but his eyelids are drooping, so he lets Junmyeon drag him to the shower. They wash up quickly and get dressed, and then Junmyeon kisses him one more time before smiling a strange, almost sad-looking smile as he says, "Goodnight."
Lu Han wakes up not enough hours later in the same body he went to sleep in, so apparently sex wasn't the magical solution to his girl problem. He groans and pulls the covers over his head because he's tired and he's still got girl parts and he's not prepared to deal with the fact that he had sex with Junmyeon last night, or with anything else.
"Hyung, are you awake?" Chanyeol's voice cuts off his impending freakout.
"No," Lu Han says in his stupid high voice.
"Does that mean you're still a girl?" Chanyeol asks.
Lu Han just grunts in response, but it's a weird, feminine grunt, which should be answer enough.
"Sorry, you need to get up," Chanyeol tells him. "The managers are having a panic party in the kitchen and they want to see you."
That makes Lu Han want to get out of bed even less, but if it's about work, he has no choice but to deal with it. He reluctantly emerges from his hiding place, grabbing his sweatshirt again so he can be more covered up before following Chanyeol out to the kitchen.
Most of the members are busy getting ready for the day or still rolling out of bed, but Junmyeon is sitting at the table with three managers. He flashes Lu Han a concerned and somewhat apologetic look, though what he's concerned and apologetic about, Lu Han can't say. He sits down at the table and waits, feeling like a prisoner about to be sentenced.
"Since we still have no idea why you're like this or how long it'll last or what we can do to make it go away, we're going to have to act under the assumption that you'll be out of commission for at least the next few days," the head manager tells him. "We've changed the next few group appearances to EXO-K only, but that won't fly in China, so..." He grimaces rather pathetically. "If you could not be like this for much longer, that'd be a big help."
Like I want to be like this, Lu Han thinks, annoyed, but he keeps his mouth shut.
"We'll try to come up with a cover story in case you're out longer, but I hope we won't need it. For now, I'm sorry about this, but I think it's best for you to just stay here. The risk of you being spotted if you go out is too big. We'll keep you up to date on anything new, but if you're going to practice, it's safer to do it here. Do not under any circumstances go out or let anyone see you, and if you can help it, don't let anyone outside know, even your family. Understood?"
"Understood," Lu Han says, drooping in his chair. He feels guilty, even though he didn't choose this, and he's dreading the long days home alone with nothing to do. He's always hated doing nothing, and it's even worse to be doing nothing knowing that the rest of the group is working hard without him. On top of that, it'll give him a lot more time to think, which is the last thing he needs.
"If there's anything that can be done," the manager adds as an afterthought, "we'll figure it out, but...well, if this is something that has happened to anyone before, I sure haven't heard of it."
The managers get to their feet, leaving Lu Han and Junmyeon at the table. "Are you going to be okay?" Junmyeon asks when they're gone. "Staying here alone." He'll look at Lu Han now, so that's something, even if it reminds Lu Han uncomfortably of the way he looked at him the night before, entranced.
"I don't have a choice, do I?" Lu Han mutters.
"I'm sure it'll just be for a little while," Junmyeon assures him with confidence that's probably false. "You changed out of the blue, so we just have to wait for you to change back the same way. Until then, try to enjoy the break."
"Sure," Lu Han agrees without conviction.
It's way too quiet in the dorm after the others leave, so Lu Han goes back to bed and manages to sleep for a few more hours. Then he takes a shower, and this time he does take Yixing's advice. Touching himself feels good, but not as good as what he did with Junmyeon, and that's just another thing he doesn't want to think about because it's way too complicated.
The hours crawl by slowly, but somehow they pass. He watches TV, drinks too many cups of coffee, eats more food than he probably should if he's not dancing for hours, posts on Weibo and goes around looking at comments until he finds some wondering why he wasn't spotted going to the SM building with the other members today or yesterday and quickly closes the window before he can see how the fans are explaining his absence.
He's very relieved when the other M members come back to the dorm that evening, though he also feels guilty because the reason that they're back is that the K members are going on TV without them. Zitao goes to take some selcas, Yixing falls asleep on the couch, and Jongdae pats Lu Han sympathetically on the back before closing himself in a bedroom to call his parents.
The leaves Lu Han with Minseok, who sits on the arm of the couch. "How incredibly bored were you being here all day?"
"So bored." Lu Han keeps his voice down, but Yixing's unlikely to wake up unless he screams.
"It sounds nice to have a break, but in practice, it's probably weird, huh?"
Lu Han nods. "I didn't ask to be like this, but I still feel guilty, you know? And I..." He frowns. "I've got a lot on my mind that I don't want to sit around and think about."
Minseok gives him a measuring look. "Anything you want to talk about?" he asks lightly, the kind of question that's easily brushed off if Lu Han wants to keep things to himself.
He can usually talk to Minseok about anything, but there's not much to say about the whole girl thing except that it sucks and he doesn't get it, and he's not sure he's ready to admit to anyone what happened with Junmyeon. Minseok won't judge him, though, probably, and he's been treating Lu Han no differently from usual, so it should be okay to tell him.
He's still not so sure about saying anything, but he's tired of dwelling on this alone, so he blurts out, "I had sex with Junmyeon."
Minseok looks at him. Blinks. Frowns the tiniest bit. "Say something," Lu Han whines.
"That's...new, right? You would've told me if there was something going on before." Minseok pulls a face. "Whether I wanted to know or not."
"Yeah, it's new." Being attracted to men, not so much, but Junmyeon is a new and unexpected development. "He said I was his type and he wanted to kiss me, and then he did kiss me, and then...it seemed like a waste not to try, but it's also...it's not because of that, it couldn't just be anyone, you know...and it was good, but now, I don't know what to do."
Minseok considers before asking, "Is it the kind of thing you want to happen again?"
"Yes? Maybe? It felt good."
"Just because of that?"
"No?" It felt more than good, and it was comfortable too, in a way it wouldn't have been if he'd just been having sex with whoever to test out this body. It didn't feel like just messing around, but that makes it all a lot more complicated. He doesn't know what that means, when he has no intention of staying like this. "I think...I don't know, it seemed kind of...feelings, you know, like he wanted...something, I guess, slow and...more, and maybe I could...kind of...you know?"
"Not really," Minseok says dryly. Lu Han can't blame him; even he's not sure what he's trying to say.
"It's...it seemed like a thing, like it wasn't just because there was a hot girl available, but if—I mean when I change back, what if he doesn't...?"
That Minseok has to get. He thinks about it for a moment, then shrugs. "Why not just enjoy it while it lasts? This thing kind of sucks, right? So you should at least take advantage of the good parts. And when you change back, you can worry about the future then."
"But what if it makes things awkward?" Lu Han asks. What if I get too attached and then he doesn't want me as a guy? he thinks.
"You're a big boy," Minseok tells him. "So is Junmyeon. However it turns out, you can deal with it."
"I guess you're right," Lu Han says uncertainly. Even if he's not, they've already crossed a line. It's not likely to make things significantly more awkward if he has sex with Junmyeon a few times versus just once.
"And then you can report back about how sex is as a woman compared to as a man," Yixing pipes up sleepily and Lu Han jumps.
"Were you listening this whole time?" he asks accusingly.
"Long enough." And least Yixing has the grace to look sheepish about eavesdropping. "But I agree with Minseok-hyung. At this point, you might as well go for it."
Lu Han nods. "But don't go thinking I'm going to tell you all about it. And do you even really want to know about Junmyeon's sex life?"
Minseok and Yixing both laugh at that, and Lu Han is relieved that even if everything has been turned upside down, at least this much is still normal.
The K members get back late and they all look ready to fall into bed, but Lu Han lurks out in the living room, waiting to see if he can catch Junmyeon alone. He doesn't know what he'll say or how Junmyeon will respond, but he wants to get this over with before he loses his nerve.
Finally, when most of the other members have retreated to their rooms, Junmyeon comes over and asks, "What are you doing out here?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
Junmyeon looks surprised by that response, but he says, "Okay," and sits down on the couch next to Lu Han. "What's up?"
"About last night." Junmyeon meets his eyes steadily, but Lu Han thinks he sees some color on his cheeks. "It was good, right?"
Junmyeon's smile is soft, a little amused. "Yeah, it was good."
"And I was thinking...hopefully I won't be like this for much longer, but for now, if you want, maybe we can...?"
"Have sex again?" Junmyeon supplies.
Lu Han rolls his eyes at Junmyeon's teasing tone. "Yes, we can have sex again."
In spite of his mocking, the flush on Junmyeon's cheeks has darkened. "If you're interested, yeah, I'd like that." Lu Han nods, and Junmyeon's expression twists into that sleazy smirk that really shouldn't be sexy. "I don't know about you, but I still need a shower..."
Junmyeon fucks him against the shower wall, and when that's done, he gets Lu Han off a second time with his fingers because "you've got to take advantage of this multiple orgasms thing while you can, right?" Lu Han's legs feel like jelly after, but Junmyeon wraps an arm around his waist and smiles before kissing him softly. When Lu Han goes to bed after that, he has no trouble falling asleep.
Lu Han is decidedly not happy to wake up female again the next day. He stomps out the kitchen looking murderous, and after he snaps at Chanyeol for making a (probably inevitable) joke about PMS, Junmyeon drags him to the bathroom and locks the door behind them. "I'd appreciate it if you don't kill anyone," he says, teasing but sympathetic. "We don't need to be down another member."
"What if they really deserve it?" Lu Han asks grumpily, but Junmyeon just smiles.
"I can't help with the girl thing, but I think I know how to make your morning a little better..." He tugs Lu Han's shorts down and hoists him onto the sink, then proceeds to eat him out until Lu Han has to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from screaming as he comes. He has to admit, as he pulls Junmyeon up to kiss him when he's done, that it definitely did put him in a better mood.
Lu Han spends the whole day in the dorms, most of it alone. He hates it, plagued by boredom and guilt and fear that if he doesn't go back to normal soon, SM will decide to cut their losses and get rid of him. It doesn't matter how popular he is because he can't very well be in a boyband when he's not a boy. Besides, he suspects most of his fans wouldn't feel the same about him if he's like this.
The only good thing about the situation, besides being able to make up some of his ridiculous sleep debt, is Junmyeon. By the evening of the third day, all the members have realized what's going on, which is embarrassing as hell to Lu Han but means that they're left alone to have sex on an actual bed without worrying about getting caught. Junmyeon takes it slow enough to drive Lu Han crazy that night, but it's worth it in the end when he comes for what feels like forever. It's strange, still, to be sleeping with Junmyeon, but it's comfortable and he makes Lu Han feel good, so he's not going to overthink it.
The fourth day passes in much the same way, and the fourth night sees Lu Han on his bed with Junmyeon's face between his legs. He's teasing again, all slow licks and not enough contact, and even when Lu Han tries to egg him on, he continues like that. Lu Han's cursing him under his breath by the time he gets close, but Junmyeon knows what he's doing because Lu Han comes so hard he forgets everything and moans with abandon.
Someone bangs on the wall and Zitao yells "I didn't need to hear that!" from the next room over.
Junmyeon looks a little sheepish when he lifts his head, but mostly like he's trying not to laugh. He gives in after only a few seconds, and Lu Han has to laugh too. They laugh good and hard, and Lu Han looks up at Junmyeon, smiling widely while his eyes twinkle with mirth. His heart squeezes, and suddenly he doesn't feel like laughing anymore.
"What?" Junmyeon asks when he notices that Lu Han's gone quiet.
"Nothing," Lu Han says quickly, because he can't admit the truth, which is that he thinks this is turning serious more quickly than he expected. Will he really be able to just shrug it off if it comes to an end as soon as he turns back?
The way Junmyeon looks at him, Lu Han's afraid he knows, but he only smiles more softly and says, "I guess we should let everyone sleep."
They get dressed, and Junmyeon gives Lu Han a quick kiss before heading to his own room to sleep. Lu Han pulls the covers over his head so he doesn't have to deal with his roommates' teasing when they come in and tries not to think about how he felt seeing Junmyeon's smile, or about how as much as he hates being like this, there's a part of him that doesn't want to change back so he can keep Junmyeon for a little while longer.
On the fifth day since he turned into a girl, Lu Han wakes up to the sound of someone else's alarm. For a second, he's just vaguely annoyed to be awake, but then he realizes that something feels different. A hand on his chest confirms that it's flat again, and moving that hand between his legs confirms that all the parts he's used to having are there. "No way!" he yelps. His voice is back to its usual register too.
"What's going on?" asks a groggy Jongdae.
"I'm a man!" Lu Han yells, more excited than he's ever been this soon after waking up.
"Yeah, yeah, we get it, you're a real man," Jongdae grumbles. Then, as he wakes up fully, "Wait, you mean you're back to normal?"
"Yes!" Lu Han gets out of bed and takes a look down his shirt and then his pants just to be sure, but everything is as it should be. "About damn time."
"Good to have you back, hyung," Jongdae says with a laugh before Lu Han runs out the door to tell everyone the good news.
The manager waiting out in the living room looks ready to hug Lu Han when he sees him, and really, Lu Han is ready to hug anyone who comes near him too. He's so happy to be back in his own familiar body, and so relieved to not have to worry anymore about not being able to do his job and letting the group down. It's going to mean working extra hard to make up for what he missed, but he's too happy to care at this point.
Sure enough, he barely has time to get dressed before he's being dragged off to the SM building to work on the songs he was supposed to learn the day he turned into a girl. He joins the rest of EXO later to work on their new choreography, doing his best not to slow everyone down even though they've been practicing without him.
He's so focused on the task at hand that he doesn't even notice until Jongdae forces him to take a water break that Junmyeon hasn't spoken to him all day. He's on the other side of the room with his back to Lu Han, talking to Chanyeol. Lu Han tells himself he's being paranoid, but as the day wears on, it becomes more obvious that Junmyeon is avoiding being anywhere near him unless the choreography demands it, and that he'll barely even look at Lu Han, let alone speak to him.
It hurts, even though he tries to convince himself it doesn't. Junmyeon is his friend, and for the past few days he's felt like a little more, and to go from that to being completely ignored is hard to take. He'd resigned himself to going back to being just friends, but he wasn't prepared for this full-on silent treatment. There's too much else going on for him to dwell on it, but it lurks in the back of his mind, preventing him from being completely happy about being back to work.
There's no chance to talk to Junmyeon without an audience all day, but finally Lu Han manages to corner him when they get back to the dorm (at 2 a.m., but it could be worse). "So, you're avoiding me again?" he asks without preamble.
Junmyeon's too tired to catch himself before the guilt flashes over his face. "Sorry," he says, eyes firmly fixed on the floor.
"Look," Lu Han says flatly, "if you're not interested in me anymore now that I'm a guy again, just say so and I'll get over it. This is stupid. We can't avoid each other and we shouldn't have to. We're friends, aren't we?"
"It's not what you think," Junmyeon mumbles, still refusing to look up.
"Then tell me what it is," Lu Han demands. He's in no mood to be diplomatic, tired and frustrated as he realizes that if Junmyeon is no longer interested in him, that really is going to take some getting over.
Junmyeon finally lifts his head and meets Lu Han's eyes with a resigned determination. "You look almost the same. I know you hate people telling you that, but you're so pretty even as a man that I don't think I care if you have boobs or the rest. I still want to kiss you like I did before."
Oh. Lu Han had hoped, maybe, that Junmyeon would feel that way once he turned back, but he hadn't truly believed it would happen. "What are you saying?" he asks warily.
"I'm saying I still want you. Girl or guy, apparently you're my type."
"And that's a problem?" Junmyeon is not, as far as Lu Han knows, interested in men, but there can be exceptions, if he's willing to make them.
"I've just never..." Junmyeon frowns. "Are you still interested?"
"Why do you think I said I'd have to get over it?" Lu Han shoots back at him. "I didn't...it was fine, you know, being friends before. I didn't think about being anything else, but now I've thought about it and I am. Interested."
"So then, you'd want to...?" Junmyeon asks hesitantly, like he's not entirely sure he dares put it into words.
"Do you?" Lu Han frowns, still trying to figure out what Junmyeon thinks about all this. "Don't mess around with me. Before, when I was...you know, fine, but if we're going to continue, I don't want it to just be..."
There's silence as Junmyeon considers, looking thoughtfully at Lu Han, who stares right back at him, defiant. He's uncomfortable, but he's too stubborn to let Junmyeon see that now. Finally, Junmyeon says, "I wouldn't mess around with you. Even before, I think...I had a feeling what I was getting into and I did it anyway. And I don't regret it."
It feels strange, honestly, because it's all so sudden and because it's Junmyeon, and it's complicated in a lot of ways because of what they do and how they live, but none of that stops the surge of happiness Lu Han feels at Junmyeon's words and the hesitant smile that follows them. Lu Han smiles back and says, "Good. Me neither. But just so we're clear, I'm going to get mad if you keep calling me pretty."
Junmyeon laughs loudly at that before he catches himself, remembering that it's the middle of the night. "Got it," he says, still grinning. "Can I call you hot?"
Lu Han pretends to consider. "Hot is okay."
"Good, because you are hot." Junmyeon steps closer, and his smirk is still a little sleazy, but Lu Han finds he still doesn't really mind, especially when Junmyeon leans in to kiss him. It gets heated fast, and when Lu Han pulls Junmyeon in by his hips after a while, he can feel him getting hard.
"You think we can be quiet enough not to wake anyone up?" Lu Han murmurs.
Junmyeon has to look up at him now, and he looks rather pretty too with his cheeks flushed and his eyes dark. "I don't...I mean, with a guy..."
"I can teach you." Lu Han grins as he adds, "And then once I've done it both ways with you, maybe I can finally answer everyone's questions about if it's better as a guy or a girl."
"Don't you dare," Junmyeon snaps, but he's smiling too as he leads Lu Han over to the couch.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-11-01 08:46 am (UTC)